For the questions Jonathan had left burning in David's heart had
answered themselves. As he watched her, he saw what on the high mount
he had refused to see. He had hurt her enough. Not through another
hurt could he find healing for her. And it would hurt her, what he had
planned. It would take from her all that he loved; and it would add
shame, the shame of cowardice, if not of cruelty to others. He could
not do that; even if she were willing he could not. Yielding was not
the simple thing it had seemed. Something he lacked--or something he
had--which forever shut the gates of that kingdom upon him. It had
been but an evil impossible dream. But a beautiful dream! There was
yet no joy in renunciation.
David went down from the mount into the valley where shadows were deep
and unbroken.
"And so the story ends happily, as it should. Everything has come out
right."
"No! Everything has not come out right!"
"You mustn't say that. You mustn't think--"
"Esther!" It was hard to meet her eyes then. "I've got to say it--to
let you see the sort of man I am. Last night I was thinking of--of
what has happened to us and what we would do. There seemed only one
way out that I could bear. I made up my mind. I was going to you to
tell you that I would get free--I would have managed that somehow--and
then come to you. I could have done it--last night."
The smile faded. She waited for him to continue.
"But Smith stopped me. I am glad he stopped me. For now--" He could
not go on.
"Now you can't. Is that it?"
"I can't."
"I am glad you can't."
She said it very quietly. Her eyes left his and turned to the sunny
window. But the light that shone on the thin tired face came not from
without.
The ugly tempter lifted its wings and flew swiftly away.
"Are you," he began again at last, "revising your opinion of me? I
hope you are."
A hand fell lightly on his lips. "I don't want to revise my opinion of
you. I couldn't. And I understand--what you wanted and why it is
impossible for us. Because--last night-- I could have let you do it."
"Oh, Esther, I never meant to hurt you. Can you believe that?"
"I know. But you haven't hurt me--even though for a while I was
shameless as I never thought I could be. I said the story has ended
happily. And it has--with the happiest ending possible, the only happy
ending it could have. Because there is nothing to regret."
"Nothing to regret!" Unbelief was in his gaze.
"Ah! We mustn't talk about it--but can't you see--can't you
understand?"
She leaned over him, giving him her eyes, letting him look to the very
depths he had once wanted to explore. He saw love there, and joy in
love, but as well the will to renounce gladly--and no lurking shadow to
say that she had bravely lied.
"Do you believe--that I am not unhappy and will not be?"
"I can't understand. But I have to believe. I am glad to believe."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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