The Humbugs of the World: An Account of Humbugs, Delusions, Impositions, Quackeries, Deceits and Deceivers Generally, in All AgesBarnum, P. T. (Phineas Taylor)
General
The Humbugs of the World: An Account of Humbugs, Delusions, Impositions, Quackeries, Deceits and Deceivers Generally, in All Ages
Barnum, P. T. (Phineas Taylor)
Impostors and imposture
Next in the procession of discovery, among other animals of less note,
was presented "a quadruped with an amazingly long neck, head like a
sheep, bearing two long spiral horns, white as polished ivory, and
standing in perpendiculars parallel to each other. Its body was like
that of a deer, but its forelegs were most disproportionately long, and
its tail, which was very bushy and of a snowy whiteness, curled high
over its rump and hung two or three feet by its side. Its colors were
bright bay and white, brindled in patches, but of no regular form."
This is probably the animal known to us on earth, and particularly along
the Mississippi River, as the "guyascutus," to which I may particularly
refer in a future article.
But all these beings faded into insignificance compared with the first
sight of the genuine Lunatics, or men in the moon, "four feet high,
covered, except in the face, with short, glossy, copper-colored hair,"
and "with wings composed of a thin membrane, without hair, lying snugly
upon their backs from the top of their shoulders to the calves of their
legs," "with faces of a yellowish flesh-color--a slight improvement on
the large ourang-outang." Complimentary for the Lunatics! But, says the
chronicler, Lieutenant Drummond declared that "but for their long wings,
they would look as well on a parade-ground as some of the cockney
militia!" A little rough, my friend the reader will exclaim, for the
aforesaid militia.
Of course, it is impossible, in a sketch like the present, to do more
than give a glimpse of this rare combination of astronomical realities
and the vagaries of mere fancy, and I must omit the Golden-fringed
Mountains, the Vale of the Triads, with their splendid triangular
temples, etc., but I positively cannot pass by the glowing mention of
the inhabitants of this wonderful valley--a superior race of Lunatics,
as beautiful and as happy as angels, "spread like eagles" on the grass,
eating yellow gourds and red cucumbers, and played with by snow-white
stags, with jet-black horns! The description here is positively
delightful, and I even now remember my poignant sigh of regret when, at
the conclusion, I read that these innocent and happy beings, although
evidently "creatures of order and subordination," and "very polite,"
were seen indulging in amusements which would not be deemed "within the
bounds of strict propriety" on this degenerate ball. The story wound up
rather abruptly by referring the reader to an extended work on the
subject by Herschel, which has not yet appeared.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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