The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
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The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
American poetry; American wit and humor; English poetry; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, American; Humorous poetry, English
You may deal as you please with Hindoos and Chinese,
Or a Mussulman making his heathen salaam, or
A Jew or a Turk, but it's rather guess work
When a man has to do with a Pilgrim or Palmer.
* * * * *
By chance the Prince Bishop, a Royal Divine,
Sends his cards round the neighborhood next day, and urges his
Wish to receive a snug party to dine,
Of the resident clergy, the gentry, and burgesses.
At a quarter past five they are all alive,
At the palace, for coaches are fast rolling in,
And to every guest his card had express'd
"Half-past" as the hour for "a greasy chin."
Some thirty are seated, and handsomely treated
With the choicest Rhine wine in his Highness's stock
When a Count of the Empire, who felt himself heated,
Requested some water to mix with his Hock.
The Butler, who saw it, sent a maid out to draw it,
But scarce had she given the windlass a twirl,
Ere Gengulphus's head, from the well's bottom, said
In mild accents, "Do help us out, that's a good girl!"
Only fancy her dread when she saw a great head
In her bucket;--with fright she was ready to drop:--
Conceive, if you can, how she roar'd and she ran,
With the head rolling after her, bawling out "Stop!"
She ran and she roar'd, till she came to the board
Where the Prince Bishop sat with his party around,
When Gengulphus's poll, which continued to roll
At her heels, on the table bounced up with a bound.
Never touching the cates, or the dishes or plates,
The decanters or glasses, the sweetmeats or fruits,
The head smiles, and begs them to bring his legs,
As a well-spoken gentleman asks for his boots.
Kicking open the casement, to each one's amazement
Straight a right leg steps in, all impediment scorns,
And near the head stopping, a left follows hopping
Behind,--for the left leg was troubled with corns.
Next, before the beholders, two great brawny shoulders,
And arms on their bent elbows dance through the throng;
While two hands assist, though nipped off at the wrist,
The said shoulders in bearing the body along.
They march up to the head, not one syllable said,
For the thirty guests all stare in wonder and doubt,
As the limbs in their sight arrange and unite,
Till Gengulphus, though dead, looks as sound as a trout.
I will venture to say, from that hour to this day,
Ne'er did such an assembly behold such a scene;
Or a table divide fifteen guests of a side
With a dead body placed in the center between.
Yes, they stared--well they might at so novel a sight
No one utter'd a whisper, a sneeze, or a hem,
But sat all bolt upright, and pale with affright;
And they gazed at the dead man, the dead man at them.
The Prince Bishop's Jester, on punning intent,
As he view'd the whole thirty, in jocular terms
Said "They put him in mind of a Council of Trente
Engaged in reviewing the Diet of Worms."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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