The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
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The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
American poetry; American wit and humor; English poetry; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, American; Humorous poetry, English
I straightway called for ink and pen,
To grandmamma I made appeal;
Meanwhile a load of guineas ten
I borrowed from a friend so leal.
I got the cash from grandmamma
(Her gentle heart my woes could feel),
But where I went, and what I saw,
What matters? Here I am at Lille.
My heart is weary, my peace is gone,
How shall I e'er my woes reveal?
I have no cash, I lie in pawn,
A stranger in the town of Lille.
II.
To stealing I can never come,
To pawn my watch I'm too genteel,
Besides, I left my watch at home;
How could I pawn it, then, at Lille?
"La note," at times the guests will say,
I turn as white as cold boiled veal:
I turn and look another way,
_I_ dare not ask the bill at Lille.
I dare not to the landlord say,
"Good sir, I can not pay your bill:"
He thinks I am a Lord Anglais,
And is quite proud I stay at Lille.
He thinks I am a Lord Anglais,
Like Rothschild or Sir Robert Peel,
And so he serves me every day
The best of meat and drink in Lille.
Yet when he looks me in the face
I blush as red as cochincal;
And think did he but know my case,
How changed he'd be, my host of Lille.
My heart is weary, my peace is gone.
How shall I e'er my woes reveal?
I have no money, I lie in pawn,
A stranger in the town of Lille.
III.
The sun bursts out in furious blaze,
I perspirate from head to heel;
I'd like to hire a one-horse chaise;
How can I, without cash, at Lille?
I pass in sunshine burning hot
By cafes where in beer they deal;
I think how pleasant were a pot,
A frothing pot of beer of Lille!
What is yon house with walls so thick,
All girt around with guard and grille?
O, gracious gods, it makes me sick,
It is the PRISON-HOUSE of Lille!
O cursed prison strong and barred,
It does my very blood congeal!
I tremble as I pass the guard,
And quit that ugly part of Lille.
The church-door beggar whines and prays,
I turn away at his appeal:
Ah, church-door beggar! go thy ways!
You're not the poorest man in Lille.
My heart is weary, my peace is gone,
How shall I e'er my woes reveal?
I have no money, I lie in pawn,
A stranger in the town of Lille.
IV.
Say, shall I to yon Flemish church,
And at a Popish altar kneel?
O do not leave me in the lurch,--
I'll cry ye patron-saints of Lille!
Ye virgins dressed in satin hoops,
Ye martyrs slain for mortal weal,
Look kindly down! before you stoops
The miserablest man in Lille.
And lo! as I beheld with awe
A pictured saint (I swear 'tis real)
It smiled, and turned to grandmamma!--
It did! and I had hope in Lille!
'T was five o'clock, and I could eat,
Although I could not pay, my meal;
I hasten back into the street
Where lies my inn, the best in Lille.
What see I on my table stand,--
A letter with a well-known seal?
'Tis grandmamma's! I know her hand,--
"To Mr. M. A. Titmarsh, Lille."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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