"Well, what in thunder and rosin is _the fact_, old boy?" says we. "The fact is, cap'n, I'd a told you at once, but-a--I don't know why I--shouldn't tho', (wink on wink,) _have you got two shillings you won't want to use to-day_?" We hadn't! Major Blink's First Season at Saratoga. "Ha, ha!" said Uncle Joe Blinks, as the subject of summer travel, a jaunt somewhere, was being discussed among the regular boarders in Mrs. Bamberry's spacious old-fashioned parlors; "Ha! ha! ha! ladies, did Mrs. Bamberry ever tell you of _my_ tour to Saratogy Springs?--last summer was two years." "No," said several of us _neuter genders_ who had repeatedly heard all about it, but were desirous that those who had not been thus gratified, especially the ladies, and particularly a Miss Scarlatina, who was _dieting_ for a tour to the famed Springs--"tell us all about it, Major." "Then," said the Major, with his favorite exclamation, "then, by the banks of Brandywine, if I don't tell you. You see, last summer was two years, I came to the conclusion, that I'd stop off business, altogether, brush up a little, and go forth a mite more in the world, and I went. A friend of mine, a married man, was going up north to Saratogy, with his wife and sister--a plaguy nice young woman, the sister was, too; well, I don't know how it was, exactly, but somehow or other, it came into my head, especially as my friend Padlock had asked me if I wouldn't like to go up to Saratogy--that I'd go, and I went. It was odd enough, to be sure," said Uncle Joe, taking a pinch of rappee from his tortoise-shell box--"very odd, in fact, but somehow or other, Mrs. Padlock, being in poor health, and her sister, a rather volatile and inexperienced young woman, you may say--" "So that you had to _beau_ her along the way, Uncle Joe?" says several of the company. "Well, yes; it was very odd, I don't know how it was, but somehow or other, I-a--I-a--" "Out with it, Uncle Joe--own up; you cottoned to the young lady, gallant as possible, eh?" says the gents. "Ha! ha! it's a very delicate thing, very delicate, I assure you, gentlemen, for an old bachelor to be on the slightest terms of intimacy with a young--" "And beautiful!" echoed the company. "Unexperienced," continued the Major. "And unprotected," says the chorus. "Volatile," added the Major. "And marriageable young lady, like Miss--" "Miss Catchem," said the Major. "Catchem!" cried the gents. "Catchem, that was her name; she was the daughter of a very respectable widow," continued the Major. "A widow's daughter, eh?" said they all, now much interested in Uncle Joe's journey to Saratoga, and--but we won't anticipate. "Of a very respectable widow, whose husband, I believe, was a--but no matter, they were of good family, and a--"