The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
Thus fell the gallant leader of one of the most formidable war parties,
of its numbers, known to history. Walker was a humane, impulsive man; a
warm friend, a brave, gallant soldier. His dying words were directed to
Capt. Lewis--to keep the town, and drive back the enemy; and that the
chivalrous Captain did so, was well proven. Capt. Walker, and his heroic
"boy" Dave, who fell unknown to his master, were buried together in the
earth they so lately stood upon, in all the glory and heroism of men
that were men!
Practical Philosophy
Skinflint and old Jack Ringbolt had a dispute on Long Wharf, a few days
since, upon a religious _pint_. Jack argued the matter upon a _specie_
basis, and Skinflint took to "moral suasion." Jack went in for equal
division of labor and money--all over the world.
"Suppose, now, John," says Skinflint, "we rich men _should_ share equal
with the poor--their imprudence would soon throw all the wealth into our
hands again!"
"Wall," says Jack, "s'pose it did! You'd only have to--_share all around
again!_"
Borrowed finery; or, Killed off by a Ballet Girl.
Shakspeare has written--"let him that's robbed--not wanting what is
stolen, not know it, _and he's not robbed at all!_" Now this fact often
becomes very apparent, especially so in the case of Mrs. Pompaliner,--a
lady of whom we have had occasion to speak before, the same who sent
Mrs. Brown, the washerwomen, sundry boxes of perfume to mix in her
_suds_, while washing the pyramids of dimity and things of Mrs. P. There
never was a lady--no member of the sex, that ever suffered more, from
dread of contagion, fear of dirt, and the contamination of other people,
than Mrs. Pompaliner.
"Olivia," said she, one morning, to one of her waiting maids, for Mrs.
Pompaliner kept three, alternating them upon the principle of varying
her handkerchiefs, gloves and linen, as they--in her double-distilled
refined idea of things, became soiled by use, from time to time.
"Olivia, come here--Jessamine, you can leave:" she was so intent upon
odor and nature's purest loveliness, that she either sought
sweet-scented cognomened waiting-maids, or nick-named them up to the
fanciful standard of her own.
"Olivia, here, take this handkerchief away, take the horrid thing away.
I believe my soul somebody has touched it after it was ironed. Do take
it away," and the poor victim of concentrated, double extract of human
extravagance, almost fainted and fell back upon her lounge, in a fit of
abhorrence at the idea of her _mouchoir_ being touched, tossed, or
opened, after it entered her camphorated drawers in her highly-perfumed
_boudoir_.
"Olivia!"
"Yes'm," was the response of the fine, ruddy, and wholesome looking
maid.
"Olivia, put on your gloves."
"Yes'm."
"Go down to Mrs. Brown's," she faintly says--"tell her to come here this
very day."
"Yes'm."
"Olivia!"
"Yes'm," replied the fine-eyed, real woman.
"Got your gloves on?"
"Yes'm."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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