The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
The Honorable Mr. Buck's _manner_ of living not being "seconded" by a
corresponding manner of _means_, he very frequently ran things in the
ground, got in debt, head and heels. The Honorable Mr. B. had patronized
a dealer in Spanish mantles, corduroys and opera vests, to the amount of
some two hundred dollars; and, very naturally, ye fabricator of said
cloth appurtenances for ye body, got mad towards the last, and
threatened "the Western member" with a course of legal sprouts, unless
he "showed cause," or came up and squared the yards. As Hon. John Buck
had had frequent invitations to pursue such courses, and not being
spiritually or personally inclined that way, he let the notice slide.
Shears, the tailor, determined to put the Hon. John through; so he got
out a writ of the savagest kind--arson, burglary and false
pretence--and a deputy sheriff was soon on the taps to smoke the Western
member out of his boots. Upon inquiring at the United States Hotel,
where the honorable gentleman had been wont to "put up," they found he
had vacated weeks before and gone to Yohe's Hotel. Thither, the next
day, the deputy repaired, but old Mother Yohe--rest her soul!--informed
the officer that the honorable gentleman had stepped out one morning, in
a hurry like, and forgot to pay a small bill!
John was next traced to the Marshall House, where he had left his mark
and cleared for Sanderson's, where the indefatigable tailor and his
terrier of the law, pursued the member, and learned that he had gone to
Washington!
"Done! by Jeems!" cried Shears.
"Hold on," says the deputy, "hold on; he's not off; merely a dodge to
get away from this house; we'll find him. Wait!"
Shears did wait, so did the deputy sheriff, until other bills, amounting
to a good round sum, were lodged at the Sheriff's office, and the very
Sheriff himself took it in hand to nab the _cidevant_ M. C., and cause
him to suffer a little for his country and his friends!
Now, it so chanced that Sheriff F., who was a politician of popular
renown--a good, jolly fellow--knew the Hon. Mr. Buck, having had "the
pleasure of his acquaintance" some months previous, and having been
_floored_ in a political argument with the "Western member," was
inclined to be down upon him.
"I'll snake him, I'll engage," says Sheriff F., as he thrust "the
documents" into his pocket and proceeded to hunt up the transgressor.
Accidentally, as it were, who should the Sheriff meet, turning a corner
into the grand _trottoir_, Chestnut street, but our gallant hero of ye
ballot-box in the rural districts, once upon a time!
"Ah, ha-a-a! How are ye, Sheriff?" boisterously exclaims the Ex-M. C.,
as familiarly as you please.
"Ah, ha! Mr. Buck," says the Sheriff, "glad (?) to see you."
"Fine day, Sheriff?"
"Elegant, sir, _prime_," says the Sheriff.
"What do you think of Mr. Jigger's speech on the Clam trade? Did you
read Mr. Porkapog's speech on the widening of Jenkins's ditch?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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