The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
Among the Boston delegates--self-constituted, _a la_ Gen. Commander--was
a certain gentleman, remarkable for his probity, decorum, and extreme
sensitiveness. Well, A., the _wag_, and B., the _victim_, landed
together, but selected, in the general overflow and hurly-burly,
different lodgings. Next morning, A. finds B. stowed away in ----'s
Hotel, fine as a fiddle, snug as a bug, in a good room, and doing about
_as_ well as could be expected. A. had had indifferent luck, and the
quarters he had lit upon were any thing but comfortable, the inmates of
the Hotel being stowed away in _tiers_, like herrings in a box. A.
thought he'd _oust_ his innocent and unsuspecting friend, and crack his
joke, if it cost a law suit, just for the sake of variety.
With the _address_, and _partly the_ dress--a white hat--of a man of the
_mace_, A. steps up to the bar of ----'s Hotel, and after carefully
scrutinizing the register, finds the autograph of the victim, then
smiles suspiciously, enough to say to the observant bar-keeper--
"Aha! I've found him!" Then leaning cautiously forward towards that
person, says A.--
"Is this man here yet? Is he in the house?"
"I b'leave he is, sur,--I know he is, sur," says the Milesian,
overlooking the register himself.
"Come here last night?" continues A., in his suspicious strain.
"He did, sur!" answers the grog-mixer.
"Has nothing but a valise and umbrella?" says A.
"Nothing else, sur, I believe," is the reply.
"That's him! that's him! I've found him!" exultantly exclaims A., while
the bar-keeper and landlord, who had now come forward, eagerly wanted to
know if any thing was wrong with the gentleman whose arrival was being
discussed.
"Step aside, sir," says A. to the proprietor; "I don't want any
disturbance made, at such a time; it might do your fine establishment
more harm than good; _but_, there is a person stopping in your house
that I have followed from Boston; I have kept my eye on his
movements(!); I know his designs, his practices, _well_; I'm on his
track--he dodged me last night, but I've found him--"
"Well, do you pretend to assert that this man (scrutinizing the
register) is a pick-pocket, a thief, or something of the kind, sir?"
earnestly inquired the proprietor.
"You keep _mum_, sir," said A., coolly tapping the lappel of the
landlord's coat--"I've got him _safe!_ Let him rest for awhile--I've got
him! Do you understand?" says the wag, winking a knowing, significant
_wink_ at the landlord.
"No, cuss me if I do understand you, sir!" sharply replies the landlord.
"If there is a dangerous or disreputable person in my house, sir, I
would thank you to tell me, sir, and I will soon put him where the dogs
won't bite him, sir!"
"There is no use of unnecessary alarm, my friend," says A., in a low
tone; "the truth is, this person whom I have followed here, has made a
heavy _draw_ on one of our Boston banks, by means of certain checks and
certificates, and--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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