The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Don't move," cried the third, "don't move, you possum, or you're
giblets, instanter!"
But these injunctions scarcely seemed necessary, for, even had the
captive been so inclined, he neither possessed the power nor opportunity
to move a limb.
"Haul him out," cried one.
"Yes, lug him into our boat," said another; "so now, you skunk, lay
still; don't open your trap, or I'll brain you on sight!"
Having transferred the body of the captive from his "own canoe" to
theirs, the Mills-Pointers made fast the stranger's _dug-out_, and then
paddled for the landing. The pirate was duly hauled ashore, or on to the
_wharf-boat_, and left under guard of one of the captors--a dreadful
ugly-looking customer, a _cross_ between a whiskey-cask, bowie-knife,
and a Seminole Indian or bull-dog, and armed equal to an arsenal--while
the other two went up to the nearest "grocery," reported the capture,
took a drink, and sent out word for _Court_ to meet. The poor victim was
deposited on his back across some barrels, with his hands tied behind
him. Recovering his scattered senses, the _pirate_ "waked up."
"Look here, my virtuous friend," said he to his body-guard, who sat on
an opposite barrel, with a heavy pistol in his hand, "what's all this
about?"
"Shet up!" responded the guard; "shet up your gourd. You'll know what's
up, pooty soon, you ugly cuss, you!"
"Well, that's explicit, anyhow!" coolly continued the captive. "But all
I want to know, is--am I to be robbed, killed off, or only initiated
into the mysteries of your craft?"
"Shet up, you piratin' cuss, you; shet up, or I'll give you a settler!"
was the reply.
[Illustration: "Shet up, you piratin' cuss you; shet up or I'll give you
a settler!--_Page_ 305.]
"Well, really, you are accommodating," cavalierly replied the but little
daunted captive. "One thing consoling I glean, my virtuous friend, from
your scraps of information--you are not a pirate yourself, or in favor
of that science! But I should like to know, old fellow, where I am, and
what the deuce I'm here for."
"Well, you'll soon diskiver the perticklers, for here comes the _Court_,
and they'll have you dancin' on nothin' and kickin' at the wind, pooty
soon; you kin stake your pile on that!"
And with this, a hum was heard, and soon a mob of a dozen
well-_stimulated_ citizens, and strangers about the Point, came rushing
and yelling on to the wharf-boat and were quite as immediately gathered
around the captive. The first impulse of the _posse comitatus_ appeared
to manifest itself in a desire to hang the victim--straight up! A second
(how _sober_ we know not) thought induced them to ask a question or two,
and for this purpose the presiding _judge_ drew up before the still
prostrate captive, and said--
"Who are you? What have you got to say for yourself, anyhow?"
The sunburnt, ragged, and rather romantic-looking prisoner turned his
face towards the _judge_, and replied--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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