The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Ye-e-e-e-s!" she repeated, and away went B----, lickety split, for the
Boston train.
After a general and miscellaneous survey of modern Athens, B---- found
an opening--a good one--to go into business, as he desired, upon a
liberal scale; but he found vent for the explosion of one very
hallucinating idea--his six hundred dollars, as a cash capital, was a
most infinitesimal _circumstance_, a mere "flea bite;" would do very
well for an amateur in the cake and candy, pea-nut or vegetable
business, but was hardly sufficient to create a sensation among the
monied folks of Milk street, or "bulls" and "bears" on 'change. However,
this realization was more than counter-balanced by another
fact--"confidence" was a largely developed _bump_ on the business head
of Boston, and if a man merely lacked "means," yet possessed an
abundance of good business qualifications--spirit, energy, talent and
tact--they were bound to see him through! In short, B----, the great
Portland capitalist, found things about right, and in good time, and in
the best of spirits, started for home, determining, in his own mind, to
give his wife a most pleasant surprise, in apprizing her of the fact
that she was not only the wife of a man with six hundred silver dollars,
and about to move his _institution_--but the better half of a gentleman
on the verge of a new campaign as a Boston business man.
"Lord! how Caroline's eyes will snap!" said B----; "how she'll go in;
for she's had a great desire to live in Boston these five years, but
thinks I'm in debt, and don't begin to believe I've got them six hundred
all hid away down----. But I'll surprise her!"
B---- had hardly turned his corner and got sight of his house, with his
mind fairly sizzling with the pent-up joyful tidings and grand surprise
in store for Mrs. B., when a sudden change came over the spirit of his
dream! As he gazed over the fence, by the now dim twilight of fading
day, he thought--yes, he did see fresh earthy loose stones, barrels of
lime, mortar, and an ominous display of other building and repairing
materials, strewn in the rear of his domicil! The cellar doors--those
wings of the subterranean recesses of his house--which he had cautioned,
earnestly cautioned, the "wife of his bussim" to close, carefully and
securely, were sprawling open, and indeed, the outside of his abode
looked quite dreary and haunted.
"My dear Caroline!" exclaimed B----, rushing into the rear door of his
domestic establishment, to the no small surprise of Mrs. B., who gave a
premature--
"Oh dear! how you frightened me, Fred! Got home?"
"Home? yes! don't you see I have. But, Carrie, didn't I earnestly beg of
you to keep those doors--cellar doors--shut? fastened?"
"Why, how you talk! Bless me! Keep the cellar shut? Why, there's nothing
in the cellar."
"Nothing in the cellar?" fairly howls B----.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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