The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
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The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Stop, come back, ma'am, sit down; it's a pity--you've no business,
ma'am, as I said before, to have incumbrances, when you haven't got any
visible means of support. Now, if you only had one, one incumbrance--and
that you'd no business to have"--said the old gent, doggedly, tapping an
antique tortoise-shell snuff box, and applying "the pungent grains of
titillating dust," as Pope observes, to his proboscis, "if you had only
_one_ incumbrance--but you've got a house full, ma'am."
"No, sir, only three!" answered widow Glenn.
"Three, only three? God bless me, ma'am, I wouldn't be a poor woman with
two--no, with one incumbrance at my petticoat tails--for the biggest
ship and cargo old Steve Girard ever owned, ma'am."
"I might," meekly said the widow, "put my son with the printer, sir; he
has offered to take my poor boy."
"Two girls and a boy?" inquiringly asked the old gent, applying the
dust, and manipulating his box. "How old? Eldest thirteen, eh?--boy
eleven, and the youngest seven, eh?" and working a traverse, or solving
some problematic point, Job Carson stuck his hands under his morning
gown, and strode over the floor; after a few evolutions of the kind, he
stopped--fumbled in a drawer of a secretary, and placing a ten dollar
note in the widow's hand, he said:
"There, ma'am; I don't know that I shall want you, but to-morrow
morning, if you have time, from other and more important business, call
in, bring your children with you; good morning, ma'am--Banquo!"
"Yis, sah; I'se heah."
"Show the lady out--good morning, ma'am, good morning."
"I like that woman's looks," said old Job, continuing his walk; "she's
plain and tidy; she's industrious, I'll warrant; if she only hadn't that
raft of _incumbrances_; what do these people have incumbrances for,
anyway?--"
"Lady at the doo-ah, sah," said Banquo.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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