The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Dis way, ma'am," continued the darkey, crowding Mrs. Geaughey, while
his master was gesticulating furiously to keep on _crowding_ her.
Finally, Banquo vanquished the Irish woman, and received orders from his
master to admit no more applicants--the place was filled.
That afternoon, old Captain Winepipes--a retired merchant and
ship-master, an old bachelor, too, who was in the habit of exchanging
visits with Job Carson, sipping brandy and water, talking over old times
and playing chess--came to finish a litigated game, and Job and he
discussed the matter of taking care of the widow and children of the
dead ship-builder. At length, it was settled that, if the second
interview with the widow, and an exhibition of her children, proved
satisfactory to Job Carson, he should take them in; if found more than
Job could attend to--
"Why a--I'll go you halves, Job," said Captain Winepipes.
Next day, Widow Glenn and her pretty children appeared at the door of
Carson's mansion; and Banquo, full of pleasant anticipations, ushered
them into the retired merchant's presence.
It was evident, at the first glance the old gentleman gave the group,
that the battle was more than half won.
"Fine boy, that; come here, sir--eleven years of age, eh? Your name's
Martin--Martin Glenn, eh? Well, Martin, my lad, you've got a big world
before you--a fussing, fuming world, not worth finding out, not worth
the powder that would blow it up. You've got to take your position in
the ranks, too, mean and contemptible as they are; but you may make a
good man; if the world don't benefit you, why a--you can benefit it;
that's the way I've done--been obliged to do it, ain't sorry for it,
neither," said the old man, with evident emotion.
"Your name is Cynthia, eh? And you are a fine grown girl for your age,
surely. Cynthia, you'll soon be capable of 'keeping house,' too; you've
got a world before you, too, my dear; a wicked, scandalous world; a
world full of deceit and _misery_--look at your mother, look at me! Ah,
well, it's all our own fault; yours, madam, for having these--these
_incumbrances_, and mine, poor devil--for not having 'em. Cynthia,
you're a fine girl; a good girl, I know. Ah, here's mamma's pet, I
suppose; Rose Glenn, very pretty name, pretty girl, too, very pretty.
Lips and cheeks like cherries, eyes brighter than Brazil diamonds.
Ma'am, you've got great treasures here; a man must be a stupid ass to
call these _incumbrances_. They are jewels of inestimable value. What's
my filthy bank accounts, dollars and cents, houses, goods and chattels,
that fire may destroy, and thieves steal--to these blessings that--that
God has given the lone widow to strengthen her--cheer her in the dark
path of life? God is great, generous, and just; I see it now, plainer
than I ever did before. Banquo!"
"Yis'r, I'se here, massa."
"Go tell Counsellor Prime to call on me immediately; tell Captain
Winepipes to come over--I want to see him. I'm going to make a fool of
myself, I believe."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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