"'Wall,' sez I, 'Marm Smith, yeou needn't take on so 'beout it; I guess a feller kin ax a question witheout tradin' or breakin' the Sabbath all tew smash, either! Neow,' says I, 'yeou got some ole plunder up ther in the cockloft, where yeou stuck me to sleep; 'tain't much use to yeou, and one article I see I want to trade fur.' "Wall, we didn't trade _'zactly_. Marm Smith, yeou see, got dre-e-e-adful relejus 'beout that time--wouldn't let her gals draw ther breth scacely, and shot her roosters all up in the cellar every Sunday. Fact, by ginger! Wall, yeou see, Marm Smith were agin tradin' on Sunday, but she sed I might arrange it with Ben, her barkeeper, and so I got the instrument, _any heow_." "What was it, Ab?" inquired the squire. "Massy sakes, tell us!" says the gals. "I sha'n't dew it, till I tell the hull abeout it," Ab replied, rather choosing, like Captain Cuttle, to break the gist of his information into small chunks, and so make it the more _telling_ and comparatively interesting. "When I got the _instrument_, and paid Marm Smith my board bill, I wer in possession of a cash capital of jest three fo'pences. I took my jack-knife, and unjinted the instrument, cleaned it off, then wrapped the different sections up in a paper, put the hull in my little yaller trunk, and dug eout. When I got clean eout o' sight and hearin' of everybody I'd ever hear'n tell on, I stopped r-i-g-h-t in my track. My cash capital wer gone, my mortal remains were holler as a flute, and my old trunk had worn a hole clean through the shoulder o' my best Sunday coat. I put up, and sez I tew the landlord: "'Squire, what sort o' place is this for a sheow?' "'For a sh-e-ow?' sez he. "'Ye-e-e-s,' sez I. "'What a' yeou got to sh-e-o-w?' sez he. "'The most wonderful instrument ever inwent-'d,' sez I. "'What's 't fur?' sez he. "'For the wimen,' sez I. "'O! sez he, lookin' alfired peart and smeart, as tho' he'd seen a flock o' l'fants; 'quack doctor, I s'pose, eh?' "'No, I ben't a quack doctor, nuther,' sez I, priming up at the insin-i-wa-tion. "'Wall, what on airth hev yeou got, _any heow_?' sez he. "When he 'poligized in that sort o' way, in course I up and told him the full perticklers 'beout a wonderful _instrument_ I had for the ladies and wimen folks. A-n-d heow I wanted to sheow it before some o' the female sim-i-nar-ries, and give a lectoor on't. "'By bunker!' sez he, 'then yeou've cum jest teou the spot; three miles up the road is the great _Jargon Institoot_, 'spressly for young ladies, wher they teach 'em the 'rethmetic, French scollopin', and High-tall-ion curlycues; dancin', tight-lacin', hair-dressin', and so forth, with the use of curlin' irons, forty pinanners, and parfumeries chuck'd in.' "'Yeou deon't _say_ so?' sez I. "'Yes, I doos,' sez he; and then yeou had orter seen me make streaks fur the Jargon Institoot.