Hans Breitmann gife a barty, I dells you it cost him dear; Dey rolled in more ash sefen kecks Of foost-rate lager beer. Und vhenefer dey knocks de shpicket in De Deutschers gifes a cheer; I dinks dat so vine a barty Nefer coom to a het dis year. Hans Breitmann gife a barty; Dere all vas Souse and Brouse, Vhen de sooper comed in, de gompany Did make demselfs to house; Dey ate das Brot and Gensy broost, De Bratwurst and Braten vine, Und vash der Abendessen down Mit four parrels of Neckarwein. Hans Breitmann gife a barty; Ve all cot troonk ash bigs. I poot mine mout’ to a parrel of beer, Und emptied it oop mit a schwigs; Und den I gissed Madilda Yane. Und she shlog me on de kop, Und de gompany vighted mit daple-lecks Dill de coonshtable made oos shtop. Hans Breitmann gife a barty— Vhere ish dot barty now? Vhere ish de lofely golden cloud Dot float on de moundain’s prow? Vhere ish de himmelstrahlende stern— De shtar of de shpirit’s light? All goned afay mit de lager beer— Afay in de Ewigkeit. _Charles Godfrey Leland._ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ _OUR NEW BEDSTEAD._ [Illustration: “WE HAD TO TURN OUT EVERY HOUR.”] I HAVE bought me a new patent bedstead, to facilitate early rising, called a “wake-up.” It is a good thing to rise early in the country. Even in the winter time it is conducive to health to get out of a warm bed by lamplight; to shiver into your drawers and slippers; to wash your face in a basin of ice-flakes; and to comb out your frigid hair with an uncompromising comb, before a frosty looking-glass. The only difficulty about it lies in the impotence of human will. You will deliberate about it and argue the point. You will indulge in specious pretences, and lie still with only the tip end of your nose outside the blankets; you will pretend to yourself that you _do_ intend to jump out in a few minutes; you will tamper with the good intention, and yet indulge in the delicious luxury. To all this the “wake-up” is inflexibly and triumphantly antagonistic. It is a bedstead with a clock scientifically inserted in the head-board. When you go to bed you wind up the clock, and point the index-hand to that hour on the dial at which you wish to rise in the morning. Then you place yourself in the hands of the invention and shut your eyes.