The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
And then in the dust of the road again;
And the teams we met, and the countrymen;
And the long highway, with sunshine spread
As thick as butter on country bread,
Our cares behind, and our hearts ahead,
Out to Old Aunt Mary’s!
Why, I see her now in the open door,
Where the little gourds grew up the sides and o’er
The clapboard roof!—and her face—ah, me!
Wasn’t it good for a boy to see—
And wasn’t it good for a boy to be
Out to Old Aunt Mary’s!
And oh, my brother, so far away,
This is to tell you she waits to-day
To welcome us:—Aunt Mary fell
Asleep this morning, whispering, “Tell
The boys to come!” And all is well
Out to Old Aunt Mary’s!
_James Whitcomb Riley._
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_A PETITION OF THE LEFT HAND._
TO THOSE WHO HAVE THE SUPERINTENDENCY OF EDUCATION.
I ADDRESS myself to all the friends of youth, and conjure them to direct
their compassionate regards to my unhappy fate, in order to remove the
prejudices of which I am the victim. There are twin sisters of us; and
the two eyes of man do not more resemble, nor are capable of being upon
better terms with each other, than my sister and myself, were it not for
the partiality of our parents, who make the most injurious distinctions
between us. From my infancy I have been led to consider my sister as a
being of a more elevated rank. I was suffered to grow up without the
least instruction, while nothing was spared in her education.
She had masters to teach her writing, drawing, music, and other
accomplishments; but if by chance I touched a pencil, a pen, or a
needle, I was bitterly rebuked; and more than once I have been beaten
for being awkward, and wanting a graceful manner. It is true, my sister
associated me with her upon some occasions; but she always made a point
of taking the lead, calling upon me only from necessity, or to figure by
her side.
But conceive not, sirs, that my complaints are instigated merely by
vanity. No; my uneasiness is occasioned by an object much more serious.
It is the practice in our family, that the whole business of providing
for its subsistence falls upon my sister and myself. If any
indisposition should attack my sister,—and I mention it in confidence
upon this occasion, that she is subject to the gout, the rheumatism, and
cramp, without making mention of other accidents,—what would be the fate
of our poor family?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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