The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
From her Roman nose to her rising haunches, from her arched spine,
hidden by the stiff _machillas_ of a Mexican saddle, to her thick,
straight, bony legs, there was not a line of equine grace.
In her half-blind but wholly vicious white eyes, in her protruding under
lip, in her monstrous colour, there was nothing but ugliness and vice.
“Now then,” said Staples, “stand cl’ar of her heels, boys, and up with
you. Don’t miss your first holt of her mane, and mind ye get your off
stirrup quick. Ready!”
There was a leap, a scrambling struggle, a bound, a wild retreat of the
crowd, a circle of flying hoofs, two springless leaps that jarred the
earth, a rapid play and jingle of spurs, a plunge, and then the voice of
Dick somewhere in the darkness.
“All right!”
“Don’t take the lower road back onless you’re hard pushed for time!
Don’t hold her in down hill! We’ll be at the ford at five. G’lang!
Hoopa! Mula! Go!”
A splash, a spark struck from the ledge in the road, a clatter in the
rocky cut beyond, and Dick was gone.
* * * * *
Sing, O Muse, the ride of Richard Bullen! Sing, O Muse, of chivalrous
men! the sacred quest, the doughty deeds, the battery of low churls, the
fearsome ride and gruesome perils of the flower of Simpson’s Bar! Alack!
she is dainty, this Muse! She will have none of this bucking brute and
swaggering, ragged rider, and I must fain follow him, in prose, afoot!
It was one o’clock; and yet he had only gained Rattlesnake Hill. For in
that time Jovita had rehearsed to him all her imperfections and
practised all her vices.
Thrice had she stumbled.
Twice had she thrown up her Roman nose in a straight line with the
reins, and resisting bit and spur, struck out madly across country.
Twice had she reared, and, rearing, fallen backward; and twice had the
agile Dick, unharmed, regained his seat before she found her vicious
legs again.
And a mile beyond them, at the foot of a long hill, was Rattlesnake
Creek.
Dick knew that here was the crucial test of his ability to perform his
enterprise, set his teeth grimly, put his knees well into her flanks,
and changed his defensive tactics to brisk aggression.
Bullied and maddened, Jovita began the descent of the hill.
Here the artful Richard pretended to hold her in with ostentatious
objurgation and well-feigned cries of alarm.
It is unnecessary to add that Jovita instantly ran away.
Nor need I state the time made in the descent; it is written in the
chronicles of Simpson’s Bar.
Enough that in another moment, as it seemed to Dick, she was splashing
on the overflowed banks of Rattlesnake Creek.
As Dick expected, the momentum she had acquired carried her beyond the
point of balking; and holding her well together for a mighty leap, they
dashed into the middle of the swiftly-flowing current.
A few moments of kicking, wading, and swimming, and Dick drew a long
breath on the opposite bank.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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