The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
Nobody never said anything for a while; then the young man hove a sigh
and says—
“Alas!”
“What’re you alassin’ about?” says the bald-head.
“To think I should have lived to be leading such a life, and be degraded
down into such company.” And he begun to wipe the corner of his eye with
a rag.
“Dern your skin, ain’t the company good enough for you?” says the
bald-head, pretty pert and uppish.
“Yes, it _is_ good enough for me; it’s as good as I deserve; for who
fetched me so low, when I was so high? _I_ did myself. I don’t blame
_you_, gentlemen—far from it; I don’t blame anybody. I deserve it all.
Let the cold world do its worst; one thing I know—there’s a grave
somewhere for me. The world may go on just as it’s always done, and take
everything from me—loved ones, property, everything—but it can’t take
that. Some day I’ll lie down in it and forget it all, and my poor broken
heart will be at rest.” He went on a-wiping.
“Drot your pore broken heart,” says the bald-head; “what are you heaving
your pore broken heart at _us_ f’r? _We_ hain’t done nothing.”
“No, I know you haven’t. I ain’t blaming you, gentlemen. I brought
myself down—yes, I did it myself. It’s right I should suffer—perfectly
right—I don’t make any moan.”
“Brought you down from whar? Whar was you brought down from?”
“Ah, you would not believe me; the world never believes—let it pass—’tis
no matter. The secret of my birth——”
“The secret of your birth? Do you mean to say——”
“Gentlemen,” says the young man, very solemn, “I will reveal it to you,
for I feel I may have confidence in you. By rights I am a duke!”
Jim’s eyes bugged out when he heard that; and I reckon mine did, too.
Then the bald-head says: “No! you can’t mean it?”
“Yes. My great-grandfather, eldest son of the Duke of Bridgewater, fled
to this country about the end of the last century, to breathe the pure
air of freedom; married here, and died, leaving a son, his own father
dying about the same time. The second son of the late duke seized the
title and estates—the infant real duke was ignored. I am the lineal
descendant of that infant—I am the rightful Duke of Bridgewater; and
here am I, forlorn, torn from my high estate, hunted of men, despised by
the cold world, ragged, worn, heart-broken, and degraded to the
companionship of felons on a raft!”
Jim pitied him ever so much, and so did I. We tried to comfort him, but
he said it warn’t much use, he couldn’t be much comforted; said if we
was a mind to acknowledge him, that would do him more good than most
anything else; so we said we would, if he would tell us how. He said we
ought to bow, when we spoke to him, and say, “Your Grace,” or “My Lord,”
or “Your Lordship”—and he wouldn’t mind it if we called him plain
“Bridgewater,” which he said was a title, anyway, and not a name; and
one of us ought to wait on him at dinner, and do any little thing for
him he wanted done.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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