The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“Well, I didn’t know no man that could do it,” said Pomona. “The dog
would ’a’ been too much for old John, and besides, he was mad about the
kerosene. Sunday afternoon, Captain Atkinson and Mrs. Atkinson and their
little girl in a push-waggon, come here, and I told ’em you was gone
away; but they says they would stop a minute, and could I give them a
drink; an’ I had nothin’ to give it them but an old chicken-bowl that I
had washed out, for even the dipper was in the house, an’ I told ’em
everything was locked up, which was true enough, though they must ’a’
thought you was a queer kind of people; but I wasn’t a-goin’ to say
nothin’ about the dog, fur, to tell the truth, I was ashamed to do it.
So as soon as they’d gone, I went down into the cellar,—and it’s lucky
that I had the key for the outside cellar door,—and I got a piece of fat
corn-beef and the meat axe. I unlocked the kitchen door and went in,
with the axe in one hand and the meat in the other. The dog might take
his choice. I know’d he must be pretty nigh famished, for there was
nothin’ that he could get at to eat. As soon as I went in, he came
runnin’ to me; but I could see he was shaky on his legs. He looked a
sort of wicked at me, and then he grabbed the meat. He was all right
then.”
“Oh, my!” said Euphemia, “I am so glad to hear that. I was afraid you
never got in. But we saw the dog—is he as savage yet?”
“Oh, no!” said Pomona; “nothin’ like it.”
“Look here, Pomona,” said I, “I want to know about those taxes. When do
they come into your story?”
“Pretty soon, sir,” said she, and she went on—
“After that, I know’d it wouldn’t do to have them two dogs so that
they’d have to be tied up if they see each other. Just as like as not
I’d want them both at once, and then they’d go to fightin’, and leave me
to settle with some blood-thirsty lightnin’-rodder. So, as I know’d if
they once had a fair fight and found out which was master, they’d be
good friends afterwards, I thought the best thing to do would be to let
’em fight it out, when there was nothin’ else for ’em to do. So I fixed
up things for the combat.”
“Why, Pomona!” cried Euphemia, “I didn’t think you were capable of such
a cruel thing.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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