The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
In such a situation as mine every incident is of importance. Here was a
subject of speculation presented to my mind, and ample exercise for my
imagination. I am prone to paint pictures to myself, and on this
occasion I had some material to work upon. Had the guest upstairs been
mentioned as Mr. Smith, or Mr. Brown, or Jackson, or Mr. Johnson, or
merely as the gentleman in No. 13, it would have been a perfect blank to
me. I should have thought nothing of it. But “the Stout Gentleman!”—the
very name had something in it of the picturesque. It at once gave the
size, it embodied the personage to my mind’s eye, and my fancy did the
rest. “He was stout, or, as some term it, lusty; in all probability
therefore he was advanced in life; some people expanding as they grow
old. By his breakfasting rather late, and in his own room, he must be a
man accustomed to live at his ease, and above the necessity of early
rising; no doubt a round, rosy, lusty old gentleman.”
[Illustration: “THE STOUT GENTLEMAN HAD BEEN RUDE TO HER.”]
There was another violent ringing; the Stout Gentleman was impatient for
his breakfast. He was evidently a man of importance, “well-to-do in the
world,” accustomed to be promptly waited upon, of a keen appetite, and a
little cross when hungry. “Perhaps,” thought I, “he may be some London
alderman; or who knows but he may be a member of Parliament?”
The breakfast was sent up, and there was a short interval of silence; he
was doubtless making the tea. Presently there was a violent ringing, and
before it could be answered, another ringing, still more violent. “Bless
me! what a choleric old gentleman!” The waiter came down in a huff. The
butter was rancid, the eggs were overdone, the ham was too salt. The
Stout Gentleman was evidently nice in his eating. One of those who eat
and growl and keep the waiter on the trot, and live in a state militant
with the household.
The hostess got into a fume. I should observe that she was a brisk,
coquettish woman; a little of a shrew, and something of a slammerkin,
but very pretty withal; with a nincompoop for a husband, as shrews are
apt to have. She rated the servants roundly for their negligence in
sending up so bad a breakfast; but said not a word against the Stout
Gentleman; by which I clearly perceived he must be a man of consequence;
entitled to make a noise and to give trouble at a country inn. Other
eggs and ham and bread and butter were sent. They appeared to be more
graciously received; at last there was no further complaint, and I had
not made many turns about the traveller’s room when there was another
ringing. Shortly afterwards there was a stir, and an inquest about the
house. “The Stout Gentleman wanted the _Times_ or the _Chronicle_
newspaper.” I set him down, therefore, for a whig; or rather, from his
being so absolute and lordly where he had a chance, I suspected him of
being a radical. Hunt, I had heard, was a large man. “Who knows,”
thought I, “but it is Hunt himself?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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