The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
Indeed, my doubts on this head were soon at an end, for he could not
have finished his first bottle before I could faintly hear him humming a
tune, and on listening I found it to be “God Save the King.” ’Twas plain
then he was no radical, but a faithful subject; one that grew loyal over
his bottle, and was ready to stand by his king and constitution when he
could stand by nothing else. But who could he be? My conjectures began
to run wild. Was he not some personage of distinction travelling
_incog._? “God knows!” said I, at my wit’s end; “it maybe one of the
royal family for aught I know, for they are all Stout Gentlemen!”
The weather continued rainy. The mysterious person kept his room, and,
as far as I could judge, his chair; for I did not hear him move. In the
meantime, as the day advanced, the traveller’s room began to be
frequented. Some who had just arrived came in buttoned up in box coats;
others came home who had been dispersed about the town. Some took their
dinners, and some their tea. Had I been in a different mood, I should
have found entertainment in studying this peculiar class of men. There
were two, especially, who were regular wags of the road, and up to all
the standing jokes of travellers. They had a thousand sly things to say
to the waiting-maid, whom they called Louisa, and Ethelinda, and a dozen
other fine names, changing the name every time, and chuckling amazingly
at their own waggery. My mind, however, had become completely engrossed
by the Stout Gentleman. He had kept my fancy in chase during a long day,
and it was not now to be diverted from the scent.
The evening gradually wore away. The travellers read the papers two or
three times over. Some drew around the fire, and told long stories about
their horses, about their adventures, their over-turns, and
breakings-down. They discussed the credits of different merchants and
different inns, and the two wags told several choice anecdotes of pretty
chambermaids and kind landladies. All this passed as they were quietly
taking what they called their “nightcaps,”—that is to say, strong
glasses of brandy and water with sugar, or some other mixture of the
kind; after which they one after another rang for “boots” and the
chambermaids, and walked up to bed in old shoes, cut down into
marvellously uncomfortable slippers.
There was only one man left; a short-legged, long-bodied, plethoric
fellow, with a very large sandy head. He sat by himself, with a glass of
port wine negus and a spoon, sipping and stirring until nothing was left
but the spoon. He gradually fell asleep, bolt upright in his chair, with
the empty glass standing before him; and the candle seemed to fall
asleep too, for the wick grew long and black and cabbaged at the end,
and dimmed the little light that remained in the chamber.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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