“You see, mates, towards the last he went off his head altogether,” said
one of the black silhouettes, whom, from the glittering of his badge
when he moved, one could guess to be the railway watchman. “He tried to
do it five times before ... but he always got frightened. He’d run up to
the train and then begin to yell.... The train would come thundering
along, and he’d just scream with terror, and yet he’d run on, throwing
up his hands. ‘Ah!—ah!—ah!—ah!’ and yet he’d run at it.... He was
mortally scared, and yet he couldn’t let it alone!... God always saved
him; the good Christian people didn’t want to let him die; ... they’d
catch him and take him home by force; ... they put him in the
hospital.... Well, it seems this time he was too sharp for them.”...
“Did he call out? Did any one hear?”
“They said afterwards that somebody yelled like a wild thing. They say
they heard something crying and screaming.... But, you see, it was
night-time; it was quite dark that’s plain!”...
“The devil’s will, you mean. In such business as that, it’s the devil
that’s lord and master, not God!” said a voice from the group of
silhouettes.
“True! true!” muttered several voices; and a short silence followed.
The conversation was an unpleasant one; the subject under discussion was
gloomy and fearful, and the people seemed ill at ease in talking of it.
But maybe for that very reason they were unable to free themselves from
the haunting idea, and enter into the ordinary small talk of chance-met
passengers. Unpleasant as it was to think and talk of a suicide, the
conversation about it started afresh.
“They do say it was all his wife’s doing that he got like that; he took
to drinking because of her.”
“Did the silly fellow care more for his wife than his soul?”
“Ah! but then, you know, ... she ran away from him—and he got lonely
without her—and so——”
“Ran away! Why, the devil take her, let her run away as far as she
likes; there are plenty of women to be got!”
“Plenty of women, but only one soul!”
“He’ll have to answer for his soul to God in the next world!”...
“Ah! the soul! the soul!”... said the watchman, with a sigh; and the
conversation would probably have broken off if the young
assistant-stationmaster had not suddenly appeared beside the group. No
one had heard him come up on account of his indiarubber galoshes.
He was a very cheerful young man; he had just got his situation, just
got married, just put on his new uniform, and naturally felt that now he
was “decently set up.” He stopped, as he was sauntering past, to smoke a
cigarette with the group, and, for want of anything to do, cheerfully
threw in a word.
“What’s the talk about? What soul?”
He had accidentally caught, in passing, the word “soul”; his thoughts
were altogether at the other end of the earth from any stray
conversations; he was going merrily home to his young wife and his
boiling samovar, and was altogether thoroughly contented with himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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