Historical fiction; Russia -- Social conditions -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction
“This produced a great effect upon me. I used to dream of the poor old
woman at nights. I really am not superstitious, but two days after, I
went to her funeral, and as time went on I thought more and more about
her. I said to myself, ‘This woman, this human being, lived to a great
age. She had children, a husband and family, friends and relations; her
household was busy and cheerful; she was surrounded by smiling faces;
and then suddenly they are gone, and she is left alone like a solitary
fly... like a fly, cursed with the burden of her age. At last, God
calls her to Himself. At sunset, on a lovely summer’s evening, my
little old woman passes away—a thought, you will notice, which offers
much food for reflection—and behold! instead of tears and prayers to
start her on her last journey, she has insults and jeers from a young
ensign, who stands before her with his hands in his pockets, making a
terrible row about a soup tureen!’ Of course I was to blame, and even
now that I have time to look back at it calmly, I pity the poor old
thing no less. I repeat that I wonder at myself, for after all I was
not really responsible. Why did she take it into her head to die at
that moment? But the more I thought of it, the more I felt the weight
of it upon my mind; and I never got quite rid of the impression until I
put a couple of old women into an almshouse and kept them there at my
own expense. There, that’s all. I repeat I dare say I have committed
many a grievous sin in my day; but I cannot help always looking back
upon this as the worst action I have ever perpetrated.”
“H’m! and instead of a bad action, your excellency has detailed one of
your noblest deeds,” said Ferdishenko. “Ferdishenko is ‘done.’”
“Dear me, general,” said Nastasia Philipovna, absently, “I really never
imagined you had such a good heart.”
The general laughed with great satisfaction, and applied himself once
more to the champagne.
It was now Totski’s turn, and his story was awaited with great
curiosity—while all eyes turned on Nastasia Philipovna, as though
anticipating that his revelation must be connected somehow with her.
Nastasia, during the whole of his story, pulled at the lace trimming of
her sleeve, and never once glanced at the speaker. Totski was a
handsome man, rather stout, with a very polite and dignified manner. He
was always well dressed, and his linen was exquisite. He had plump
white hands, and wore a magnificent diamond ring on one finger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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