Historical fiction; Russia -- Social conditions -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction
Well, why should he judge them so hastily! Could he really say what
they were, after one short visit? Even Lebedeff seemed an enigma today.
Did he expect to find him so? He had never seen him like that before.
Lebedeff and the Comtesse du Barry! Good Heavens! If Rogojin should
really kill someone, it would not, at any rate, be such a senseless,
chaotic affair. A knife made to a special pattern, and six people
killed in a kind of delirium. But Rogojin also had a knife made to a
special pattern. Can it be that Rogojin wishes to murder anyone? The
prince began to tremble violently. “It is a crime on my part to imagine
anything so base, with such cynical frankness.” His face reddened with
shame at the thought; and then there came across him as in a flash the
memory of the incidents at the Pavlofsk station, and at the other
station in the morning; and the question asked him by Rogojin about
_the eyes_ and Rogojin’s cross, that he was even now wearing; and the
benediction of Rogojin’s mother; and his embrace on the darkened
staircase—that last supreme renunciation—and now, to find himself full
of this new “idea,” staring into shop-windows, and looking round for
things—how base he was!
Despair overmastered his soul; he would not go on, he would go back to
his hotel; he even turned and went the other way; but a moment after he
changed his mind again and went on in the old direction.
Why, here he was on the Petersburg Side already, quite close to the
house! Where was his “idea”? He was marching along without it now. Yes,
his malady was coming back, it was clear enough; all this gloom and
heaviness, all these “ideas,” were nothing more nor less than a fit
coming on; perhaps he would have a fit this very day.
But just now all the gloom and darkness had fled, his heart felt full
of joy and hope, there was no such thing as doubt. And yes, he hadn’t
seen her for so long; he really must see her. He wished he could meet
Rogojin; he would take his hand, and they would go to her together. His
heart was pure, he was no rival of Parfen’s. Tomorrow, he would go and
tell him that he had seen her. Why, he had only come for the sole
purpose of seeing her, all the way from Moscow! Perhaps she might be
here still, who knows? She might not have gone away to Pavlofsk yet.
Yes, all this must be put straight and above-board, there must be no
more passionate renouncements, such as Rogojin’s. It must all be clear
as day. Cannot Rogojin’s soul bear the light? He said he did not love
her with sympathy and pity; true, he added that “your pity is greater
than my love,” but he was not quite fair on himself there. Kin! Rogojin
reading a book—wasn’t that sympathy beginning? Did it not show that he
comprehended his relations with her? And his story of waiting day and
night for her forgiveness? That didn’t look quite like passion alone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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