The Idler, Volume III., Issue XIII., February 1893: An Illustrated Monthly. Edited By Jerome K. Jerome & Robert BarrVarious
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The Idler, Volume III., Issue XIII., February 1893: An Illustrated Monthly. Edited By Jerome K. Jerome & Robert Barr
Various
London (England) -- Periodicals
Jim ran home with half-a-sovereign in his pocket, while I walked back to
dress for dinner. On the stairs I met my aunt, already in evening array,
and looking hungry. I knew the sign, and stealthily tried to
vanish, vainly.
[Illustration: IN THE DESERTED OLD MILL.]
"Late again, Samuel!" she remarked, with a freezing spectacle-gleam that
fixed me to the stair-carpet--my right foot two steps above the left.
"You have just come in, I suppose. Have you seen Beauty?"
[Illustration: "LATE AGAIN, SAMUEL!"]
Horror! Could she suspect anything? I felt my face growing the colour of
my hair, and my tongue frozen solid.
"Can't you answer?" she went on wrathfully. "And can't you stand up
straight?"
I pulled my legs together and commenced to stammer.
"I--I saw Beauty out--outside, aunt, in the garden," I managed to mutter.
"Which way was he going?"
"Why, I think he was running towards the house, aunt."
[Illustration: THIRTY MILES AN HOUR.]
And then the remembrance of how he _was_ running--thirty miles an hour,
with tail on end and ears flat to his head, with Jim and my long-legged
self racing in rear--made me choke with laughter I was forced to
swallow. But my aunt's eyes were on me, and her gold-rimmed barnacles
blazed through me, so I suffocated in silence.
"Don't stand making faces like an idiot. Go and dress, and be quick,"
snapped my loving relative, as she marched away downstairs and I flew to
the region above.
My bedroom door was partly open, and I dashed in hastily, pulling off my
things as I went.
[Illustration: DRESSING FOR DINNER.]
My evening clothes were laid out ready on the bed, and--what was that on
my shirt?--a black mass of--something moving!--some animal! Why, heavens
and earth, it was the ghost of--that beast Beauty! It was Beauty
himself! I ran for the poker; Beauty rushed out of the door. Confound
that rotten old sack!
I was late for dinner, and found Beauty seated in my chair, sleek and
dry, with a ravenously whetted appetite. My aunt was so pleased with her
favourite's improved appearance that she became quite affable, even to
me. I was informed that as I had not been looking well lately I might go
for a few days' change to the seaside; the salubrious air of
Muddiford-on-the-Ooze would just suit me. What a blessing! To have
escaped from those ice-gleaming spectacles and from that resuscitated
beast Beauty I would gladly have gone to Jericho, much more to
Muddiford-on-the-Ooze. Then my aunt continued her course of
instructions, with the nearest approach to a smile I had ever seen
on her face.
[Illustration: A SHOW AT MUDDIFORD-ON-THE-OOZE.]
"You will enjoy yourself, I am sure, Samuel, and you will also be able
to show what pains you can take to please me," she said, sipping her
first glass of Burgundy with approving relish. "There is to be a show at
Muddiford the day after to-morrow, at which I intend exhibiting, and you
will be able to manage everything for me; so mind you are careful to do
your best."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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