He was a one armed man--he had lost an Arm in a rush to get into a Chautauqua Tent in Kansas to hear Bryan speak on Man Vs. Monkey. Well he tried this Bath and it didn’t kill him and he noticed that he was beginning to sprout a new arm where he had lost the old one, so he kept on with the Baths and it’s to him that we owe the discovery of this wonderful curative Water. Also he was the Pioneer of Bathers of Kansas, as now they tell me it’s no uncommon thing to have a Tub in most of their larger towns. Now, it has been discovered that you can carry a thing too far and overdo it, so we don’t want you there too long. A man come there once entirely Legless and stayed a week too long and went away a Centipede. I want to offer here my personal Testimonial of what it did to me. You see, after this Kansas Guy started it, why, us old Timers moved our bathing from the River into a Tub. Now, at that time, I was practically Tongue tied and couldn’t speak out in private much less in Public. Well, after 12 baths, I was able to go to New York and make after dinner speeches. I stopped in Washington on the way and saw how our Government was run and that gave me something funny to speak about. So, in thanking the Water, I also want to thank the Government for making the whole thing possible. Now, had I taken 24 baths I would have been a Politician, so you see I stopped just in time. The only thing I get out of this is I have the “Thrown Away Crutch Privilege.” If you don’t get well and throw away your Invalid Chair or crutches I get nothing out of it, so that is why we give you a square deal. If you are not cured, I don’t get your Crutches. There is no other resort in the World that works on that small a margin. W. J. Bryan drank one drink of this Water and turned against Liquor. Senator La Follette drank two drinks of it and turned against everything. So remember Claremore, The Carlsbad of America, where the ’Frisco Railroad crosses the Iron Mountain Railroad, not often, but every few days. THE END * * * * * Transcriber’s note Spelling and punctuation have been retained as published. Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been standardized. The use of italics on the title of _Illiterate Digest_ has been standardized where applicable. The following printer errors have been changed. =CHANGED FROM TO= Page 15: ““Drain Their Corn Liquor” ““Drain Their Corn Liquor”” Page 122: “siutated near any Body” “situated near any Body” Page 229: “were equally responsbile” “were equally responsible” Page 272: “appointed him to settle” “appointed him to settle.” Page 317: “record of his time” “record of his time.”