It was a letter that all the world might read, and see no deep and
hidden meaning behind it, but Joan knew better. She read threat and
menace in every line. The man threatened that if she did not keep this
appointment he would go to Langbourne and find John Everard, and then
into John Everard’s ears he would pour out his poisoned, lying,
slanderous story.
Better a thousand times that she herself should go to Johnny and tell
him the whole truth, hiding nothing. Yet she knew that she could not do
that; her pride forbade. If she loved him—then it would be different.
She could go to him, she could tell him everything, laying bare her
soul, just because she loved him. But she did not love him. She liked
him, she admired him, she honoured him; but she did not love him, and
in her innermost heart she knew why she did not love Johnny Everard,
and never would.
But the letter had come, the threat was here. What could she do? to
whom turn? And then she remembered that hard by her own gate was a man,
the man to whom she owed all this, all her troubles and all her
annoyance and shame, but a man who would fight for and protect and
stand by her. Her heart swelled, the tears gathered for a moment in her
eyes.
He had not answered the letter she had sent him a couple of days ago.
She had looked for an answer, and had felt disappointed at not
receiving one, though she had told herself that she expected none.
For long Joan hesitated, pride fighting against her desire for help and
support. But pride gave way; she felt terribly lonely, even though she
was soon to be married to a man who loved her. To that man ought she to
turn, yet she did not, and hardly even gave it a thought. She had made
no false pretences to Johnny Everard. She had told him frankly that she
did not love him, yet that if he were willing to take her without love,
she would go to him.
So now, having decided what she would do, Joan went to her room to
write a letter to the man she must turn to, the man who had the right
to help her. She flushed as the words brought another memory into her
mind; the flush ran from brow to chin, for back into her mind came the
words the man had uttered. Strange it was how her mind treasured up
almost all that he had ever said to her.
_“You gave me that right, Joan, when you gave me your heart!”_
That was what he had said, and she would never forget, because she
knew—that it was true.
She went to her own room, where was her private writing-table. She
found the room in the hands of a maid dusting and sweeping.
“You need not go, Alice,” she said. “I am only going to write a
letter.” The girl went on with her work.
“I did not think to appeal to you, yet I find I must appeal for help
that I know you will give, because but for you I should not need it.
I—”
She paused.
“Funny, miss, Mrs. Bonner’s lodger going off like that in such a hurry,
wasn’t it?” said the girl on her knees beside the hearth.
Joan started. “What do you mean, Alice?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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