“Because it is true.” She paused; the red dyed her cheeks. “What you
were told last night were lies—poor lies. You do not ask me to deny
them, dear, and so I won’t. Yet, behind those lies, there was a little
truth. There is a man, and I cared for him—care for him now and always
shall care for him. He has been nothing to me, and never will be; but
because he lived, because he and I have met, the hope that you had in
your heart that day, can come to nothing. And now—now I have something
more to tell you. It is this. You, who can love so finely, must ask for
and have love in return. You think you love me, yet because I do not
respond you will tire in time of that love. You will realise how bad a
bargain you have made, and then you will regret it. Is there not
someone”—her voice had grown low and soft—“someone who can and does
give you all the love your heart craves for, someone who will be
grateful to you for your love, and who will repay a thousandfold? Would
not that be better than a long hopeless fight against lovelessness,
even—even if you loved her a little less than you believe you love—me?
Remember that it would rest with you and not with another, you who are
generous, who could not refuse to give when so much is given to you.”
Joan’s voice faltered for a moment. “It would be your own heart on
which you would have to make the call, Johnny, not on the heart of
another. You would have more command over your own heart than you ever
could over the heart of another.”
“Joan, what do you mean? What does this mean?”
“I am trying so hard to be plain,” she said almost pitifully.
“Who is this other you are talking about, this other—who loves me?”
She was silent.
“What do you know of her, Joan, this other?”
And still she was silent, for how could she betray Ellice’s secret?
“Tell me,” he said.
“Don’t you know? Can’t you guess?”
His face flushed. A week ago he might have answered, “I cannot guess!”
To-day he knew the answer, yet how did Joan know?
“I gave you my promise,” she said, “and I will abide by that promise.
It is for you to decide, and no one else. My life, your own and—and the
life of another is in your hands—three futures, Johnny, decide—”
“You want to—to give me up?”
“Is that generous?”
“No, it isn’t,” he admitted. He took a turn up and down the room. “And
you say this other—this girl—cares for me?”
“I know she does?”
“Did she tell you?”
“Must I answer?”
“Why not?”
“Why not?” Joan repeated. “Yes, she did. She came to me, openly and
frankly, straightforward child that she is, and she said to me, ‘Why
are you marrying him, not loving him? If you loved him, and he loved
you, I would not come to you; but you do not love him, and it is not
fair. You are taking all and giving nothing!’ And, she was right!”
“And she—she—” he said in a low voice, “would give—”
“Has given.”
A silence fell between them. Then he turned to her, and it seemed as if
the cloud had lifted from him. He held out his hands and smiled at her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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