The Indian Lily and Other StoriesSudermann, Hermann
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The Indian Lily and Other Stories
Sudermann, Hermann
Short stories, German -- Translations into English; Sudermann, Hermann, 1857-1928 -- Translations into English
Then, however, anonymous letters began to come--thick, fragrant ones
with stamped coronets, and thin ones on ruled paper with the smudges
of soiled fingers.
She burned the first batch; the second she handed to her husband.
The latter, who was not far from forty, and who had trained himself to
an attitude of imperious brusqueness, straightened up, knotted his
bushy Bismarck moustache, and said:
"Well, suppose it is true. What have you to lose?"
She did not burst into tears of despair; she did not indulge in fits
of rage; she didn't even leave the room with quiet dignity; her soul
seemed neither wounded nor broken. She was not even affrighted. She
only thought: "I have forgiven him so much; why not forgive him
this, too?"
And as she had shared him before without feeling herself degraded, so
she would try to share him again.
But she soon observed that this logic of the heart would prove wanting
in this instance.
In former cases she had concealed his weakness under a veil of care
and considerateness. The fear of discovery had made a conscious but
silent accessory of her. When it was all over she breathed deep relief
at the thought; "I am the only one who even suspected."
This time all the world seemed invited to witness the spectacle.
For now she understood all that, in recent days had tortured her like
an unexplained blot, an alien daub in the face which every one sees
but he whom it disfigures. Now she knew what the smiling hints of her
friends and the consoling desires of men had meant. Now she recognised
the reason why she was wounded by the attention of all.
She was "the wife of the man whom Madame Nelson ..."
And so torturing a shame came upon her as though she herself were the
cause of the disgrace with which the world seemed to overwhelm her.
This feeling had not come upon her suddenly. At first a stabbing
curiosity had awakened in her a self-torturing expectation, not
without its element of morbid attraction. Daily she asked herself:
"What will develope to-day?"
With quivering nerves and cramped heart, she entered evening after
evening, for the season was at its height, the halls of strangers on
her husband's arm.
And it was always the same thing. The same glances that passed from
her to him and from him to her, the same compassionate sarcasm upon
averted faces, the same hypocritical delicacy in conversation, the
same sudden silence as soon as she turned to any group of people to
listen--the same cruel pillory for her evening after evening, night
after night.
And if all this had not been, she would have felt it just the same.
And in these drawing-rooms there were so many women whose husbands'
affairs were the talk of the town. Even her predecessor, Mrs. Wormser,
had passed over the expensive immorality of her husband with a
self-sufficing smile and a condescending jest, and the world had bowed
down to her respectfully, as it always does when scenting a
temperament that it is powerless to wound.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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