The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and MarvelsIngoldsby, Thomas
General
The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and Marvels
Ingoldsby, Thomas
English fiction -- 19th century; English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
The Prince Bishop's Jester, on punning intent,
As he view'd the whole thirty, in jocular terms
Said, "They put him in mind of a Council of _Trente_
Engaged in reviewing the Diet of Worms."
But what should they do?--Oh! nobody knew
What was best to be done, either stranger or resident;
The Chancellor's self read his Puffendorf through
In vain, for his books could not furnish a precedent.
The Prince Bishop mutter'd a curse, and a prayer,
Which his double capacity hit to a nicety:
His Princely, or Lay, half induced him to swear,
His Episcopal moiety said "_Benedicite!_"
The Coroner sat on the body that night,
And the jury agreed,--not a doubt could they harbour,--
"That the chin of the corpse--the sole thing brought to light--
Had been recently shaved by a very bad barber."
They sent out Von Taünsend, Von Bürnie, Von Roe,
Von Maine, and Von Rowantz--through châlets and châteaux,
Towns, villages, hamlets, they told them to go,
And they stuck up placards on the walls of the Stadthaus.
"MURDER!!
"WHEREAS, a dead gentleman, surname unknown,
Has been recently found at his Highness's banquet,
Rather shabbily dressed in an Amice, or gown
In appearance resembling a second-hand blanket;
"And WHEREAS, there's great reason indeed to suspect
That some ill-disposed person, or persons, with malice
Aforethought, have kill'd, and begun to dissect
The said Gentleman, not very far from the palace;
"THIS IS TO GIVE NOTICE!--Whoever shall seize,
And such person, or persons, to justice surrender,
Shall receive--such REWARD--as his Highness shall please,
On conviction of him, the aforesaid offender.
"And, in order the matter more clearly to trace
To the bottom, his Highness, the Prince Bishop, further,
Of his clemency, offers free PARDON and Grace
To all such as have _not_ been concern'd in the murther.
"Done this day, at our palace,--July twenty-five,--
By Command,
(Signed)
Johann Von Rüssell,
N.B.
Deceased rather in years--had a squint when alive;
And smells slightly of gin--linen mark'd with a "G."
The Newspapers, too, made no little ado,
Though a different version each managed to dish up;
Some said "The Prince Bishop had run a man through,"
Others said "an assassin has kill'd the Prince Bishop."
The "Ghent Herald" fell foul of the "Bruxelles Gazette,"
The "Bruxelles Gazette," with much sneering ironical,
Scorned to remain in the "Ghent Herald's" debt,
And the "Amsterdam Times" quizz'd the "Nuremberg Chronicle."
In one thing, indeed, all the journals agreed,
Spite of "politics," "bias," or "party collision;"
Viz.: to "give," when they'd "further accounts" of the deed,
"Full particulars" soon, in "a later Edition."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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