Now, Reader, dear, If you've ever been near Enough to a Court to encounter a Peer When his principal tenant's gone off in arrear, And his brewer has sent in a long bill for beer, And his butcher and baker, with faces austere, Ask him to clear Off, for furnish'd good cheer, Bills, they say, "have been standing for more than a year," And the tailor and shoemaker also appear With their "little account" Of "trifling amount," For Wellingtons, waistcoats, pea-jackets, and--gear Which to name in society's thought rather queer,-- While Drummond's chief clerk, with his pen in his ear, And a kind of a sneer, says, "We've no effects here!" --Or if ever you've seen An Alderman, keen After turtle, peep into a silver tureen, In search of the fat call'd _par excellence_ "green," When there's none of the meat left--not even the lean!-- --Or if ever you've witness'd the face of a sailor Return'd from a voyage, and escaped from a gale, or _Poeticè_ "Boreas," that "blustering railer," To find that his wife, when he hastens to "hail" her, Has just run away with his cash--and a tailor-- If one of these cases you've ever survey'd, You'll, without my aid, To yourself have pourtray'd The beautiful mystification display'd, And the puzzled expression of manner and air Exhibited now by the dignified pair, When thus unexpectedly ask'd to declare Their opinions as Counsellors, several and joint, On so delicate, grave, and important a point. Señor Don Lewis Condé d'Aranjuez At length forced a smile 'twixt the prim and the grim, And look'd at Pacheco--Pacheco at him-- Then, making a rev'rence, and dropping his eyes, Cough'd, hemm'd, and deliver'd himself in this wise: "My Liege!--unaccustom'd as I am to speaking In public--an art I'm remarkably weak in-- I feel I should be--quite unworthy the name Of a man and a Spaniard--and highly to blame, Were there not in my breast What--can't be exprest,-- And can therefore,--your Majesty,--only be guess'd-- --What I mean to say is--since your Majesty deigns To ask my advice on your welfare--and Spain's,-- And on that of your Majesty's Bride--that is, Wife-- It's the--as I may say--proudest day of my life! But as to the point--on a subject so nice It's a delicate matter to give one's advice, Especially, too, When one don't clearly view The best mode of proceeding,--or know what to do; My decided opinion, however, is this, And I fearlessly say that you can't do amiss, If, with all that fine tact Both to think and to act, In which all know your Majesty so much excels-- You are graciously pleased to--ask somebody else!"