"Oh, Brother!" their Ma whisper'd, faint And low, for breath seeming to labour, "Who'd Think that this horrid complaint, That's been going about in the neighbourhood, Thus should attack me,--nay, more, My poor husband besides,--and so fall on him! Bringing us so near to Death's door That we can't avoid making a call on him! "Now think, 'tis your Sister invokes Your aid, and the last word she says is, Be kind to those dear little folks When our toes are turned up to the daisies!-- By the servants don't let them be snubb'd,-- --Let Jane have her fruit and her custard,-- And mind Johnny's chilblains are rubb'd Well with Whitehead's best essence of mustard. "You know they'll be pretty well off in Respect to what's called 'worldly gear,' For John, when his Pa's in his coffin, Comes in to three hundred a-year; And Jane's to have five hundred pound On her marriage paid down, ev'ry penny, So you'll own a worse match might be found, Any day in the week, than our Jenny!" Here the Uncle pretended to cry, And, like an old thorough-paced rogue, he Put his handkerchief up to his eye, And devoted himself to Old Bogey If he did not make matters all right, And said, should he covet their riches, He "wished the old Gentleman might Fly away with him, body and breeches!" No sooner, however, were they Put to bed with a spade by the sexton, Than he carried the darlings away Out of that parish into the next one, Giving out he should take them to town, And select the best school in the nation, That John might not grow up a clown, But receive a genteel education. "Greek and Latin old twaddle I call!" Says he, "While his mind's ductile and plastic, I'll place him at Dotheboys Hall, Where he'll learn all that's new and gymnastic. While Jane, as, when girls have the dumps, Fortune-hunters, by scores, to entrap 'em rise, Shall go to those worthy old frumps, The two Misses Tickler of Clapham Rise!" Having thought on the How and the When To get rid of his nephew and niece, He sent for two ill-looking men, And he gave them five guineas a-piece.-- Says he, "Each of you take up a child On the crupper, and when you have trotted Some miles through that wood lone and wild, Take your knife out, and cut its carotid!"-- "Done" and "done" is pronounced on each side, While the poor little dears are delighted To think they a-cock-horse shall ride, And are not in the least degree frighted; They say their "Ta! Ta!" as they start, And they prattle so nice on their journey, That the rogues themselves wish to their heart They could finish the job by attorney.