The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and MarvelsIngoldsby, Thomas
General
The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and Marvels
Ingoldsby, Thomas
English fiction -- 19th century; English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
This looks like De Saye--yet--it is not De Saye--
And this is--no, 'tis not--Sir Reginald Braye--
This has somewhat the favour of Marmaduke Grey--
But stay!--_Where on earth did he get those long nails?_
Why, they're _claws_!--then, Good Gracious!--they've all of
them _tails_!
That can't be De Vaux--why, his nose is a bill,
Or, I would say, a beak!--and he can't keep it still!--
Is that Poynings?--Oh Gemini!--look at his feet!!
Why, they're absolute _hoofs_!--is it gout or his corns
That have crumpled them up so?--by Jingo, he's _horns_!
Run! run!--There's Fitz-Walter, Fitz-Hugh, and Fitz-John,
And the Mandevilles, _père et filz_ (father and son),
And Fitz-Osbert, and Ufford--_they've all got them on!_
Then their great saucer eyes-- It's the Father of lies
And his Imps--run! run! run!--they're all fiends in disguise,
Who've partly assumed, with more sombre complexions,
The forms of Sir Guy Le Scroope's friends and connexions,
And He--at the top there--that grim-looking elf--
Run! run!--that's the "muckle-horned Clootie" himself!
And now what a din Without and within!
For the court-yard is full of them.--How they begin
To mop, and to mowe, and make faces, and grin!
Cock their tails up together, Like cows in hot weather,
And butt at each other, all eating and drinking,
The viands and wine disappearing like winking.
And then such a lot As together had got!
Master Cabbage, the steward, who'd made a machine
To calculate with, and count noses,--I ween
The cleverest thing of the kind ever seen,--
Declared, when he'd made, By the said machine's aid,
Up, what's now called, the "tottle" of those he survey'd,
There were just--how he proved it I cannot divine,--
_Nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety, and nine_,
Exclusive of Him, Who, giant in limb,
And black as the crow they denominate _Jim_,
With a tail like a bull, and a head like a bear,
Stands forth at the window,--and what holds he there,
Which he hugs with such care, And pokes out in the air,
And grasps as its limbs from each other he'd tear?
Oh! grief and despair! I vow and declare
It's Le Scroope's poor, dear, sweet, little, curly-wig'd Heir!
Whom the nurse had forgot, and left there in his chair,
Alternately sucking his thumb and his pear!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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