Now it seems there's a place they call Purgat'ry--so I must write it, my verse not admitting the O-- But as for the _venue_, I vow I'm perplext To say if it's in this world, or if in the next-- Or whether in both--for 'tis very well known That St. Patrick, at least, has got one of his own, In a "tight little Island" that stands in a Lake Call'd "Lough-dearg"--that's "The Red Lake," unless I mistake,-- In Fermanagh--or Antrim--or Donegal--which I declare I can't tell, But I know very well It's in latitude 54, nearly their pitch (At Tappington, now, I could look in the Gazetteer, But I'm out on a visit, and nobody has it here). There are some, I'm aware, Who don't stick to declare There's "no differ" at all 'twixt "this here" and "that there," That it's all the same place, but the Saint reserves his entry For the separate use of the "finest of pisentry," And that his is no more Than a mere private door From the _rez-de-chaussée_,--as some call the ground floor,-- To the one which the Pope had found out long before. But no matter--lay The _locale_ where you may; --And where it is no one exactly can say-- There's one thing, at least, which is known very well, That it acts as a Tap-room to Satan's Hotel. "Entertainment" there's worse Both for "Man and for Horse;" For broiling the souls They use Lord Mayor's coals;-- Then the sulphur's inferior, and boils up much slower Than the fine fruity brimstone they give you down lower, It's by no means so strong-- Mere sloe-leaves to Souchong; The "prokers" are not half so hot, or so long, By an inch or two, either in handle or prong; The Vipers and Snakes are less sharp in the tooth, And the Nondescript Monsters not near so uncouth;-- In short, it's a place the good Pope, its creator, Made for what's called by Cockneys a "Minor The-átre." Better suited, of course, for a "minor performer," Than the "House," that's so much better lighted and warmer, Below, in that queer place which nobody mentions,-- --You understand where, I don't question--down there, Where, in lieu of wood blocks, and such modern inventions, The Paving Commissioners use "Good Intentions," Materials which here would be thought on by few men, With so many founts of Asphaltic bitumen At hand, at the same time to pave and illumine.