The Inside of the Cup — CompleteChurchill, Winston
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The Inside of the Cup — Complete
Churchill, Winston
Attitude change -- Fiction; Christian ethics -- Fiction; Christian life -- Fiction; Conscience -- Religious aspects -- Fiction
He strove with all his might to quell the inner conflagration which she
had fanned into leaping flames. Though he had listened before to doubt
and criticism, this woman, with her strange shifting moods of calm and
passion, with her bewildering faculty of changing from passive to active
resistance, her beauty (once manifest, never to be forgotten), her
unique individuality that now attracted, now repelled, seemed for
the moment the very incarnation of the forces opposed to him and his
religion. Holder, as he looked at her, had a flash of fierce resentment
that now, of all times, she should suddenly have flung herself across
his path. For she was to be reckoned with. Why did he not tell her she
was an egoist? Why didn't he speak out, defend his faith, denounce her
views as prejudiced and false?
“Have I made you angry?” he heard her say. “I am sorry.”
It was the hint of reproach in her tone to which the man in him
instantly responded. And what he saw now was his portrait she had
painted. The thought came to him: was he indeed greater, more vital than
the religion he professed? God forbid! Did he ring true, and it false?
She returned his gaze. And gradually, under her clear olive skin, he saw
the crimson colour mounting higher.... She put forth her hand, simply,
naturally, and pressed his own, as though they had been friends for a
lifetime....
CHAPTER X. THE MESSENGER IN THE CHURCH
I
The annual scourge of summer had descended pitilessly upon the city once
more, enervating, depressing, stagnating, and people moved languidly
in the penetrating heat that steamed from the pores of the surrounding
river bottoms.
The rector of St. John's realized that a crisis had come in his life,--a
crisis he had tried to stave off in vain. And yet there was a period
during which he pursued his shrunken duties as though nothing had
happened to him; as a man who has been struck in battle keeps on,
loath to examine, to acknowledge the gravity of his wound; fearing to,
perhaps. Sometimes, as his mind went back to the merciless conflict of
his past, his experience at the law school, it was the unchaining of
that other man he dreaded, the man he believed himself to have
finally subdued. But night and day he was haunted by the sorrowful and
reproachful face of Truth.
Had he the courage, now, to submit the beliefs which had sustained him
all these years to Truth's inexorable inspection? Did he dare to turn
and open those books which she had inspired,--the new philosophies, the
historical criticisms which he had neglected and condemned, which he
had flattered himself he could do without,--and read of the fruit
of Knowledge? Twice, thrice he had hesitated on the steps of the big
library, and turned away with a wildly beating heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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