POSTMASTER. I don't know myself. A supernatural power moved me. I had already summoned a courier to send it off by express; but I was overcome by a greater curiosity than I have ever felt in my life. "I can't, I can't," I hear a voice telling me. "I can't." But it pulled me and pulled me. In one ear I heard, "Don't open the letter. You will die like a chicken," and in the other it was just as if the devil were whispering, "Open it, open it." And when I cracked the sealing wax, I felt as if I were on fire; and when I opened the letter, I froze, upon my word, I froze. And my hands trembled, and everything whirled around me. GOVERNOR. But how did you dare to open it? The letter of so powerful a personage? POSTMASTER. But that's just the point--he's neither powerful nor a personage. GOVERNOR. Then what is he in your opinion? POSTMASTER. He's neither one thing nor another. The devil knows what he is. GOVERNOR [furiously]. How neither one thing nor another? How do you dare to call him neither one thing nor another? And the devil knows what besides? I'll put you under arrest. POSTMASTER. Who--you? GOVERNOR. Yes, I. POSTMASTER. You haven't the power. GOVERNOR. Do you know that he's going to marry my daughter? That I myself am going to be a high official and will have the power to exile to Siberia? POSTMASTER. Oh, Anton Antonovich, Siberia! Siberia is far away. I'd rather read the letter to you. Ladies and gentlemen, permit me to read the letter. ALL. Do read it. POSTMASTER [reads]. "I hasten to inform you, my dear friend, what wonderful things have happened to me. On the way here an infantry captain did me out of my last penny, so that the innkeeper here wanted to send me to jail, when suddenly, thanks to my St. Petersburg appearance and dress, the whole town took me for a governor-general. Now I am staying at the governor's home. I am having a grand time and I am flirting desperately with his wife and daughter. I only haven't decided whom to begin with. I think with the mother first, because she seems ready to accept all terms. You remember how hard up we were taking our meals wherever we could without paying for them, and how once the pastry cook grabbed me by the collar for having charged pies that I ate to the king of England? Now it is quite different. They lend me all the money I want. They are an awful lot of originals. You would split your sides laughing at them. I know you write for the papers. Put them in your literature. In the first place the Governor is as stupid as an old horse--" GOVERNOR. Impossible! That can't be in the letter. POSTMASTER [showing the letter]. Read for yourself. GOVERNOR [reads]. "As an old horse." Impossible! You put it in yourself. POSTMASTER. How could I? ARTEMY. Go on reading. LUKA. Go on reading. POSTMASTER [continuing to read]. "The Governor is as stupid as an old horse--" GOVERNOR. Oh, the devil! He's got to read it again. As if it weren't there anyway.