I have been thinking a good deal, and seriously, since we last met,
about the subject of our conversation, which though a painful one is not
to be timidly avoided. The degree of unhappiness in your little
household, which ought to be one of the pleasantest of households, yet
which, as you confided to me, is overshadowed by a continual
misunderstanding, is, I fear, very common indeed at the present day. It
is only by great forbearance, and great skill, that any household in
which persons of very different degrees of culture have to live together
on terms of equality, can be maintained in perfect peace; and neither
the art nor the forbearance is naturally an attribute of youth. A man
whose scholarly attainments were equal to your own, and whose experience
of men and women was wider, could no doubt offer you counsel both wise
and practical, yet I can hardly say that I should like you better if you
followed it. I cannot blame you for having the natural characteristics
of your years, an honest love of the best truth that you have attained
to, an intolerance of inaccuracy on all subjects, a simple faith in the
possibility of teaching others, even elderly ladies, when they happen to
know less than yourself. All these characteristics are in themselves
blameless; and yet in your case, and in thousands of other similar
cases, they often bring clouds of storm and trial upon houses which, in
a less rapidly progressive century than our own, might have been blessed
with uninterrupted peace. The truth is, that you are in a false position
relatively to your mother, and your mother is in a false position
relatively to you. She expects deference, and deference is scarcely
compatible with contradiction; certainly, if there be contradiction at
all, it must be very rare, very careful, and very delicate. You, on the
other hand, although no doubt full of respect and affection for your
mother in your heart, cannot hear her authoritatively enunciating
anything that you know to be erroneous, without feeling irresistibly
urged to set her right. She is rather a talkative lady; she does not
like to hear a conversation going forward without taking a part in it,
and rather an important part, so that whatever subject is talked about
in her presence, that subject she will talk about also. Even before
specialists your mother has an independence of opinion, and a degree of
faith in her own conclusions, which would be admirable if they were
founded upon right reason and a careful study of the subject. Medical
men, and even lawyers, do not intimidate her; she is convinced that she
knows more about disease than the physician, and more about legal
business than an old attorney. In theology no parson can approach her;
but here a woman may consider herself on her own ground, as theology is
the speciality of women.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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