The International Monthly, Volume 3, No. 2, May, 1851Various
History
The International Monthly, Volume 3, No. 2, May, 1851
Various
Art, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Science -- History -- Periodicals
Taking up the papers convulsively she read as follows:--"It is he. I
have seen him again and free. I thought that he, like myself, had
contracted a life-long obligation. Is this joy or grief? The ties he was
about to form, the ties the mere thought of which caused me a terrible
anguish, were imposed on me by myself. Oh my God! what have I done? What
perfidious demon inspired me when I yielded to another than to him the
_right_ to love me? When I promised a love I knew could be given to no
other than to him? Why on the day of that fatal marriage did I see him
only when I was about to leave the church? I would have broken off had I
stood at the foot of the altar--I would have told him who was about to
give me his name--ask me not to perjure myself! do not ask me to pledge
you a faith I cannot keep! my heart, my soul, my love are his. I
thought, alas! because he was not free that I too might cease to be. I
fancied my agony to be power, my spite to be courage. When, however, I
saw him pale and sombre, leaning against the door of the temple, I felt
the coldness of death take possession of me, and I doubted long after
that sad day, if I had seen a shadow, if some hallucinations of my
senses had not evoked a phantom of my vanished love, to inspire me with
eternal regret. Yet HE it was! HE it was! and when at the risk of my
very life I would have flown towards that man, I was forced to follow
another." The poor woman paused; for a mist obscured her sight, a
distillation of burning tears. She resumed her task:--"I am a Duchess
but of what value is that vain title which I sought, as an aegis against
memory, to me? Have I found it such? For a long time, I thought so. I
should, however, never have seen him again. I should have passed no
happy days near him, and have been ignorant of the delirium and
intoxication of his presence, which I never can forget. I had been the
wife of the Duke of Palma six months, when a mission of the King of
Naples forced him to leave me at a villa on the _Lago di Como_, while he
went in a foreign country to discharge the duties his monarch had
imposed on him. I scarcely dared to confess to myself, in spite of the
kindness of the Duke, how I was delighted during his absence, for it
gave me a liberty of mind and thought which was absolutely necessary to
my heart. Resolved to discharge all my duties, I lived, or rather
vegetated, in this existence, so unoccupied and objectless as all
marriages contracted without love must be. Amid, however, the dead calm
of a marriage contracted without love, there glittered sometimes a burst
of passion repressed, but alas! not stifled. Dark passions filled my
bosom, and I felt the poison of regret. I found myself often longing for
my independence, which, however, would not have contributed to my
happiness, but would at least have permitted me to indulge in my secret
sorrow. My temporary solitude, therefore, became precious to me, for I
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