My fancy, that I am telling Professor N. that the patient whom we had
both seen is suffering from a neurosis, got into the dream in the
following manner. Shortly before the close of my working year I received
a patient in whose case my diagnosis failed me. A serious organic
affliction—perhaps some changes in the spine—was to be assumed, but
could not be proved. It would have been tempting to diagnose the trouble
as a neurosis, and this would have put an end to all difficulties, had
it not been for the fact that the sexual anamnesis, without which I am
unwilling to admit a neurosis, was so energetically denied by the
patient. In my embarrassment I called to my assistance the physician
whom I respect most of all men (as others do also), and to whose
authority I surrender most completely. He listened to my doubts, told me
he thought them justified, and then said: “Keep on observing the man, it
is probably a neurosis.” Since I know that he does not share my opinions
about the etiology of neuroses, I suppressed my disagreement, but I did
not conceal my scepticism. A few days after I informed the patient that
I did not know what to do with him, and advised him to go to some one
else. Thereupon, to my great astonishment, he began to beg my pardon for
having lied to me, saying that he had felt very much ashamed; and now he
revealed to me just that piece of sexual etiology which I had expected,
and which I found necessary for assuming the existence of a neurosis.
This was a relief to me, but at the same time a humiliation; for I had
to admit that my consultant, who was not disconcerted by the absence of
anamnesis, had made a correct observation. I made up my mind to tell him
about it when I saw him again, and to say to him that he had been in the
right and I in the wrong.
This is just what I do in the dream. But what sort of a wish is supposed
to be fulfilled if I acknowledge that I am in the wrong? This is exactly
my wish; I wish to be in the wrong with my apprehensions—that is to say,
I wish that my wife whose fears I have appropriated in the dream
thoughts may remain in the wrong. The subject to which the matter of
being in the right or in the wrong is related in the dream is not far
distant from what is really interesting to the dream thoughts. It is the
same pair of alternatives of either organic or functional impairment
through a woman, more properly through the sexual life—either tabetic
paralysis or a neurosis—with which the manner of Lasalle’s ruin is more
or less loosely connected.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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