The white spot recalls diphtheria, and thus Irma’s friend, but besides
this it recalls the grave illness of my eldest daughter two years before
and all the anxiety of that unfortunate time. The scab on the nostrils
reminds me of a concern about my own health. At that time I often used
cocaine in order to suppress annoying swellings in the nose, and had
heard a few days before that a lady patient who did likewise had
contracted an extensive necrosis of the nasal mucous membrane. The
recommendation of cocaine, which I had made in 1885, had also brought
grave reproaches upon me. A dear friend, already dead in 1895, had
hastened his end through the misuse of this remedy.
_I quickly call Dr. M., who repeats the examination._
This would simply correspond to the position which M. occupied among us.
But the word “quickly” is striking enough to demand a special
explanation. It reminds me of a sad medical experience. By the continued
prescription of a remedy (sulfonal) which was still at that time
considered harmless, I had once caused the severe intoxication of a
woman patient, and I had turned in great haste to an older, more
experienced colleague for assistance. The fact that I really had this
case in mind is confirmed by an accessory circumstance. The patient, who
succumbed to the intoxication, bore the same name as my eldest daughter.
I had never thought of this until now; now it seems to me almost like a
retribution of fate—as though I ought to continue the replacement of the
persons here in another sense; this Matilda for that Matilda; an eye for
an eye, a tooth for a tooth. It is as though I were seeking every
opportunity to reproach myself with lack of medical conscientiousness.
_Dr. M. is pale, without a beard on his chin, and he limps._
Of this so much is correct, that his unhealthy appearance often awakens
the concern of his friends. The other two characteristics must belong to
another person. A brother living abroad occurs to me, who wears his chin
clean-shaven, and to whom, if I remember aright, M. of the dream on the
whole bears some resemblance. About him the news arrived some days
before that he was lame on account of an arthritic disease in the hip.
There must be a reason why I fuse the two persons into one in the dream.
I remember that in fact I was on bad terms with both of them for similar
reasons. Both of them had rejected a certain proposal which I had
recently made to them.
_My friend Otto is now standing next to the sick woman, and my friend
Leopold examines her and calls attention to a dulness on the left
below._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account