Because of those gray hours of dawn and shame and self-knowledge, love
did not end in David, nor did he cease to be rational and inarticulate;
there had to be weeks of silent, vehement refusal to accept the
situation: something must be done! Elizabeth must get a divorce
"somehow"! It would take time, a long time, perhaps; but she must get
it, and then they would marry. There had to be weeks of argument: "why
should I sacrifice my happiness to 'preserve the ideal of the
permanence of marriage'?" There had to be weeks of imprisonment in
himself before a night came when his mother woke to find him at her
bedside: "Mother--mother--mother," he said. What else he said, how in
his agonizing dumbness he was able to tell her that she was the mother,
not, indeed, of his body, but of his soul--was only for her ears; what
his face, hidden in her pillow, confessed, the quiet darkness held
inviolate. This silent man's experiences of shame and courage, began
that night when, in the fire-lit room, besieged by darkness and the
storm, that other experience ended.
Blair's opportunity--the divine opportunity of sacrifice, had its
beginning in that same desolate End. But there had to be angry days of
refusing to recognize any opportunity--life had not trained him to such
courageous recognition! There had to be days when the magnanimity of
his prisoner in returning to her prison was unendurable to him. There
had to be months, before, goaded by his god, he urged his hesitating
manhood to abide by the decision of chance whether or not he should
offer her her freedom. There even had to be days of deciding just what
the chance should be!
There had to be for these three people, caught in the mesh of
circumstance, time for growth and for hope, and that is why their story
pauses just when the angel has troubled the water. All the impulses and
the resolutions that had their beginnings in that End, are like circles
on that troubled water, spreading, spreading, spreading, until they
touch Eternity. At first the circles were not seen; only the turmoil in
the pool when the angel touched it. And how dark the water was with the
sediment of doubt and fear and loss in the days that followed that
decision which was the beginning of all the circles!
Robert Ferguson and David's mother used to wonder how they could any of
them get through the next few months. "But good is going to come out of
it somehow," Helena Richie said once. "Oh, you mean 'character' and all
that sort of thing," he said, sighing. "I tell you what it is, I'm a
lot more concerned about my child's happiness than her 'character.'
Elizabeth is good enough for me as she is."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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