English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
"And now, dear Paul, judge between us, for the matter lies in your
hands. She is yours, if you claim her; but her heart cannot be yours
awhile, though you may win it yet. It is true that both knights and
maidens have wedded, loving another; yet they have learned to love each
other, and have lived comfortably and happily; but whether, knowing what
I have been forced to tell you, you can be content that things should be
as before, I know not."
Then the Lady Beckwith made a pause, and beat her hands together,
watching Paul's face; Paul sate very still and pale, all the light gone
out of his eyes, with his lips pressed close together. And at the sight
of him the tears came into the Lady Beckwith's eyes, and she could not
stay them. And Paul, looking darkly on her, strove to pity her, but
could not; and clasping the arms of his chair, said hoarsely, "I cannot
let her go." So they sate awhile in silence; and then Paul rose and
said, "Dear lady, you have done well to tell me this--I know deep down
in my heart what a brave and noble thing you have done: but I cannot yet
believe it--I will see the Lady Margaret and question her of the
matter." Then the lady said, "Nay, dear Paul, you will not--you think
that you would do so; but you could not speak with her face to face of
such a matter, and she could not answer you. You must think of it alone,
and to-morrow you must tell me what you decide; and whichever way you
decide it, I will help you as far as I can." And then she said, "You
will pity me a little, dear Paul, for I had rather have had a hand cut
off than have spoken with you thus." And these simple words brought Paul
a little to himself, and he rose from his place and kissed the Lady
Beckwith's hand, and said, "Dear mother, you have done well; but my
sorrow is greater than I can bear," And at that the Lady Beckwith wept
afresh; but Paul went out in a stony silence, hardly knowing what he
did.
Then it seemed to Paul as though he went down into deep waters indeed,
which passed cold and silent, in horror and bitterness, over his soul.
He did not contend or cry out; but he knew that the light had fallen out
of his life, and had left him dark and dead.
So he went slowly back to the castle through the wood, hating his life
and all that he was; once or twice he felt a kind of passion rise within
him, and he said to himself, "She is pledged to me, and she shall be
mine." And then there smote upon him the thought that in thinking thus
he was rather brute than man. And he fell at last into an agony of
prayer that God would lead him to the light, and show him what he should
do. When he reached the castle he put a strong constraint upon himself;
he went down to the hall; he even sang; but it was like a dream; he
seemed to be out of the body, and as it were to see himself standing,
and to hear the words falling from his own lips. The Duke courteously
praised him, and said that he was well content to hear his minstrel
again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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