I do not know whether I was more fascinated by her theme or by her
exposition of it. "Then, how is it that the rest of you...?" I began, but
she had not the patience to wait while I finished the question. She was
suddenly eager, vivid, astonishingly alive; a different woman from the
Anne who had spoken as if in her sleep, while plunged in some immense,
engrossing meditation.
"My mother," she broke in. "The Jervaises mean nothing to her, nothing of
that sort. She wasn't brought up on it. It isn't in her blood. In a way
she's as good as they are. Her grandfather was an emigre from the
Revolution--not titled except just for the 'de', you know--they had an
estate near Rouen ... but all this doesn't interest you."
"It does, profoundly," I said.
She looked at me with a spice of mischief in her eyes. "Why?" she asked.
It was a tempting opening for a flirtation, but I could not flirt with
her. When I had first heard the clear, soft tones of her voice at the
window, I must have known that my meeting with her was a new and decisive
experience. I had always idealised a certain type of woman, and perhaps
for that reason I had always held back from the possible disillusions of
an exploring intimacy. But my recognition of Anne had nothing in common
with all my old deliberately romantic searchings for a theoretical
affinity. If I had been asked at any time before two o'clock that morning
to define my ideal, the definition would not have described Anne. Indeed,
I could never have imagined her. She was altogether too individual, too
positive, too independently real, to fit the mawkish vapourings of a man's
imaginary woman. There was something about her that conquered me. Already
I was blushingly ashamed of my jealous suspicion that she could sell
herself by a marriage with Jervaise. In all her moods, she appeared to me
with an effect that I can only describe as "convincing."
She was a perpetual revelation, and each new phase of her thrilled me with
admiration, and a sense of long-sought satisfaction. I could be content to
watch and to listen to her. The revelations of her personality were to me
as a continual and glorious adventure. To flirt with her would be a
confession on my part of a kind of superiority that I could never feel; a
suggestion of the ridiculous assumption that I could afford to dally with
and in certain circumstances flout her. I could sooner have dallied with
and flouted a supreme work of art. Wherefore when she challenged me with
her daring "Why?" I met her eyes with a look that if it in any way
represented what I was feeling, must have expressed a grave and sincere
humility.
"I can hardly tell you why," I said. "I can only assure you that I am
profoundly interested."
She accepted that statement with a readiness that gave me another thrill
of satisfaction. She understood my desire and gave way to it, instantly
fulfilling my present need of her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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