He was right. It was when he was lying in his coffin, yet unburied, that
Kenrick made his next attack upon him in that scurrility of phrase of
which he was a master.
When this curious exponent of the advantages of peace had left him at
Brick Court, and his few incidental bruises were attended to by John
Eyles, poor Oliver's despondency returned to him. He did not feel very
like one who has got the better of another in a quarrel, though he knew
that he had done all that he said he had done: he had taught his enemies
a lesson.
But then he began to think about Mary Horneck, who had been so grossly
insulted simply because of her kindness to him. He felt that if she had
been less gracious to him--if she had treated him as Mrs. Thrale, for
example, had been accustomed to treat him--regarding him and his defects
merely as excuses for displaying her own wit, she would have escaped
all mention by Kenrick. Yes, he still felt that he was the cause of her
being insulted, and he would never forgive himself for it.
But what did it matter whether he forgave himself or not? It was the
forgiveness of Mary Horneck and her friends that he had good reason to
think about.
The longer he considered this point the more convinced he became that
he had forfeited forever the friendship which he had enjoyed for several
years, and which had been a dear consolation to him in his hours of
despondency. A barrier had been raised between himself and the Hornecks
that could not be surmounted.
He sat down at his desk and wrote a letter to Mary, asking her
forgiveness for the insult for which he said he felt himself to be
responsible. He could not, he added, expect that in the future it would
be allowed to him to remain on the same terms of intimacy with her and
her family as had been permitted to him in the past.
Suddenly he recollected the unknown trouble which had been upon the girl
when he had last seen her. She was not yet free from that secret sorrow
which he had hoped it might be in his power to dispel. He and he only
had seen Captain Jackson speaking to her in the green room at Covent
Garden, and he only had good reason to believe that her sorrow had
originated with that man. Under these circumstances he asked himself if
he was justified in leaving her to fight her battle alone. She had not
asked him to be her champion, and he felt that if she had done so, it
was a very poor champion that he would have made; but still he knew more
of her grief than any one else, and he believed he might be able to help
her.
He tore up the letter which he had written to her.
“I will not leave her,” he cried. “Whatever may happen--whatever blame
people who do not understand may say I have earned, I will not leave her
until she has been freed from whatever distress she is in.”
He had scarcely seated himself when his servant announced Captain
Horneck.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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