TWO gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed by them, one said, "There goes the handsomest woman you ever saw." She turned back, and, seeing him very ugly, said, "I wish I could, in return, say as much of you."--"So you may, madam," said he, "and _lie_ as I _did_." CMX.--A MAN WITHOUT A RIVAL. GENERAL LEE one day found Dr. Cutting, the army surgeon, who was a handsome and dressy man, arranging his cravat complacently before a glass. "Cutting," said Lee, "you must be the happiest man in creation."--"Why, general?"--"Because," replied Lee, "you are in love with _yourself_, and you have not a _rival_ upon earth." CMXI.--ADVICE TO A DRAMATIST. YOUR comedy I've read, my friend, And like the _half_ you've pilfered best; But, sure, the Drama you might mend; Take courage, man, and _steal the rest_! CMXII.--GARRICK AND FOOTE. "THE Lying Valet" being one hot night annexed as an afterpiece to the comedy of "The Devil upon Two Sticks," Garrick, coming into the Green Room, with exultation called out to Foote, "Well, Sam, I see, after all, you are glad to take up with one of _my_ farces."--"Why, yes, David," rejoined the wit; "what could I do better? I must have some ventilator for this hot weather." CMXIII.--NOTHING TO LAUGH AT. WHEN Lord Lauderdale intimated his intentions to repeat some good thing Sheridan had mentioned to him, "Pray, don't, my dear Lauderdale," said the wit; "a joke in _your_ mouth is no laughing matter!" CMXIV.--QUITE AGROUND. IT is said that poor H---- T---- has been living on his wits. He certainly must be content with very _limited premises_. CMXV.--A JUDGE IN A FOG. ONE of the judges of the King's Bench, in an argument on the construction of a will, sagely declared, "It appeared to him that the testator meant to keep a _life-interest_ in the estate to himself."--"Very true, my lord," said Curran gravely; "but in this case I rather think your lordship _takes the will for the deed_." CMXVI.--THE LETTER H. IN a dispute, whether the letter H was really a letter or a simple aspiration, Rowland Hill contended that it was the former; adding that, if it were not a letter, it must have been a very serious affair to him, by making him _ill_ (_Hill_ without _H_) all the days of his life. CMXVII.--ONLY ENOUGH FOR ONE. SHERIDAN was once staying at the house of an elderly maiden lady in the country, who wanted more of his company than he was willing to give. Proposing one day to take a stroll with him, he excused himself on account of the badness of the weather. Shortly afterwards she met him sneaking out alone. "So, Mr. Sheridan," said she, "it has cleared up."--"Just a _little_, ma'am--enough for one, but not enough for two." CMXVIII.--"THE RULING PASSION STRONG IN DEATH."