"Happy and glorious"-- _Three half-pints_ 'mong _four_ of us, _Heaven send no more of us_, God save the Queen! which ridiculous perversion of the author's meaning was received with a full chorus, amid tremendous shouts of laughter and applause. CMXLVII.--WHY ARE WOMEN BEARDLESS? HOW wisely Nature, ordering all below, Forbade a beard on woman's _chin_ to grow, For how could she be shaved (whate'er the skill) Whose _tongue_ would never let her _chin_ be still! CMXLVIII.--COOL RETORT. HENDERSON, the actor, was seldom known to be in a passion. When at Oxford, he was one day debating with a fellow-student, who, not keeping his temper, threw a glass of wine in the actor's face; when Henderson took out his handkerchief, wiped his face, and cooly said, "That, sir, was a _digression_: now for the argument." CMXLIX.--LYING. DON'T give your mind to lying. A lie may do very well for a time, but, like a bad shilling, it's found out at last.--D.J. CML.--PERTINENT INQUIRY. A PERSON addicted to lying, relating a story to another, which made him stare, "Did you never hear that before?" said the narrator. "No," says the other: "Pray, sir, _did you_?" CMLI.--A POLITE REBUKE. CHARLES MATHEWS, seated on a coach-box on a frosty day, waiting for the driver, said to him when at length he appeared: "If you stand here much longer, Mr. Coachman, your horses will be like Captain Parry's ships."--"How's that, sir?"--"Why, _frozen at the pole_!" CMLII.--A CERTAIN CROP. UNDER the improved system of agriculture and of draining, great preparations had been made for securing a good crop in a certain field, where Lord Fife, his factor, and others interested in the subject were collected together. There was much discussion, and some difference of opinion as to the crop with which the field had best be sown. The idiot retainer, who had been listening unnoticed to all that was said, at last cried out, "_Saw't wi' factors_, ma lord; they are sure to thrive everywhere." CMLIII.--GOOD ADVICE. NEVER confide in a young man,--new pails leak. Never tell your secret to the aged,--old doors seldom shut closely. CMLIV.--MR. THELWALL. WHEN citizen Thelwall was on his trial at the Old Bailey for high treason, during the evidence for the prosecution he wrote the following note, and sent it to his counsel, Mr. Erskine: "I am determined to plead my cause myself." Mr. Erskine wrote under it: "If you do, you'll be hanged:" to which Thelwall immediately returned this reply: "_I'll be hanged, then, if I do_." CMLV.--CHEAP AT THE MONEY. A SHILLING subscription having been set on foot to bury an attorney who had died very poor, Lord Chief Justice Norbury exclaimed, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney! Here's a guinea; go and bury _one-and-twenty of them_." CMLVI.--A QUERY FOR MR. BABBAGE.