MXXVI.--SYDNEY SMITH SOPORIFIC. A LADY complaining to Sydney Smith that she could not sleep,--"I can furnish you," he said, "with a perfect soporific. I have published two volumes of Sermons; take them up to bed with you. I recommended them once to Blanco White, and before the third page--_he was fast asleep_!" MXXVII.--EPIGRAM. (On ----'s ponderous speeches.) THOUGH Sir Edward has made many speeches of late, The House would most willingly spare them; For it finds they possess such remarkable _weight_, That it's really a trouble to _bear them_. MXXVIII.--GOOD AT A PINCH. A SEVERE snow-storm in the Highlands, which lasted for several weeks, having stopped all communication betwixt neighboring hamlets, snuff-takers were reduced to their last pinch. Borrowing and begging from all the neighbors within reach were resorted to, but this soon failed, and all were alike reduced to the extremity which unwillingly abstinent snuffers alone know. The minister of the parish was amongst the unhappy number; the craving was so intense, that study was out of the question. As a last resort, the beadle was despatched through the snow, to a neighboring glen in the hope of getting a supply; but became back as unsuccessful as he went. "What's to be dune, John?" was the minister's pathetic inquiry. John shook his head, as much as to say that he could not tell; but immediately thereafter started up, as if a new idea had occurred to him. He came back in a few minutes, crying, "Hae." The minister, too eager to be scrutinizing, took a long, deep pinch, and then said, "Whaur did you get it?"--"_I soupit[B] the poupit_," was John's expressive reply. The minister's accumulated superfluous Sabbath snuff now came into good use. [B] Swept. MXXIX.--EPIGRAM. (On Alderman Wood's being afraid to pledge himself even to the principles he has always professed.) SURE in the House he'll do but little good Who lets "_I dare not, wait upon_ I WOOD (I would)." MXXX.--WILKES'S READY REPLY. LUTTREL and Wilkes were standing on the Brentford hustings, when Wilkes asked his adversary, privately, whether he thought there were more fools or rogues among the multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. "I'll tell them what you say, and put an end to you," said the Colonel. But, perceiving the threat gave Wilkes no alarm, he added, "Surely you don't mean to say you could stand here one hour after I did so?"--"Why (the answer was), you would not be alive one instant after."--"How so?"--"I should merely say it was a _fabrication_, and they would _destroy you_ in the twinkling of an eye!" MXXXI.--TOO GRATEFUL. AFTER O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor, I've no way _here_ to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you _knocked down in me own parish_,--wouldn't I bring a faction to the rescue?"