A MEAN fellow, thinking to get an opinion of his health _gratis_, asked a medical acquaintance what he should take for such a complaint? "I'll tell you," said the doctor, sarcastically; "You should take _advice_." MXLI.--THE DANCING PRELATES. SCALIGER doth the curious fact advance, The early bishops used to join the dance, And winding, turning ----s shows us yet, That Bishops still know how to pirouette. MXLII.--AURICULAR CONFESSION. A CUNNING juryman addressed the clerk of the court when administering the oath, saying, "Speak up; I cannot hear what you say."--"Stop; are you deaf?" asked Baron Alderson.--"Yes, of one ear."--"Then you may leave the box, for it is necessary that jurymen should hear _both sides_." MXLIII.--A DRY FELLOW. "WELL, Will," said an Earl one day to Will Speir, seeing the latter finishing his dinner, "have you had a good dinner to-day?" (Will had been grumbling some time before.) "Ou, vera gude," answered Will; "but gin anybody asks if I got a dram _after 't_, what will I say?" MAXILLA.--GOOD EVIDENCE. "DID you ever see Mr. Murdock return oats?" inquired the counsel. "Yes, your honor," was the reply. "On what _ground_ did he refuse them?" was next asked by the learned counsel. "_In the back-yard_," said Teddy, amidst the laughter of the court. AXLE.--EPITAPH UPON PETER STAGGS. POOR Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail, Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale; For twenty years he did the duties well, Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the Bell. But death stepped in, and ordered Peter Staggs To feed the worms, and leave the farmers' nags. The church clock struck _one_--alas! 'twas Peter's knell, Who sighed, "I'm coming--that's the ostler's bell!" MXLVI.--QUIN AND THE PARSON. A WELL-BENEFICED old parson having a large company to dinner, entertained them with nothing else but the situation and profits of his parochial livings, which he said he kept entirely to himself. Quin, being one of the party, and observing that the parson displayed a pair of very dirty yellow hands, immediately called out,--"So, so, doctor, I think you do keep your _glebe_ in your own hands with a witness!" MXLVII.--NATURAL ANTIPATHY. FOOTE having satirized the Scotch pretty severely, a gentleman asked, "Why he hated that nation so much."--"You are mistaken," said Foote, "I don't hate the Scotch, neither do I hate frogs, but I would have everything keep to its _native element_." MXLVIII.--NOT NECESSARY. "YOU flatter me," said a thin exquisite the other day to a young lady who was praising the beauties of his moustache. "For heaven's sake, ma'am," interposed an old skipper, "don't make that _monkey any flatter_ than he is!" MXLIX.--ASSURANCE AND INSURANCE.