IT was an observation of Elwes, the noted miser, that if you keep _one_ servant your work will be done; if you keep _two_, it will be half done; and if you keep _three_, you will have to do it yourself. MCCXXX.--PLAIN ENOUGH. A GENTLEMAN, praising the personal charms of a very plain woman in the presence of Foote, the latter said: "And why don't you lay claim to such an accomplished beauty?"--"What right have I to her?" exclaimed the gentleman. "Every right, by the law of nations," replied Foote; "every right, as the _first discoverer_." MCCXXXI.--A POSER. AT Plymouth there is, or was, a small green opposite the Government House, over which no one was permitted to pass. Not a creature was allowed to approach, save the General's cow. One day old Lady D----, having called at the General's, in order to make a short cut, bent her steps across the lawn, when she was arrested by the sentry calling out, and desiring her to return. "But," said lady D----, with a stately air, "do you know who I am?"--"I don't know who you be, ma'am," replied the immovable sentry, "but I knows you b'aint--you b'aint the _General's cow_." So Lady D---- wisely gave up the argument, and went the other way. MCCXXXII.--TRUE CRITICISM. A GENTLEMAN being prevailed upon to taste a lady's home-made wine, was asked for an opinion of what he had tasted. "I always give a candid one," said her guest, "where eating and drinking are concerned. _It is admirable stuff to catch flies_." MCCXXXIII.--ORIGIN OF THE TERM GROG. THE British sailors had always been accustomed to drink their allowance of brandy or rum clear, till Admiral Vernon ordered those under his command to mix it with water. The innovation gave great offence to the sailors, and for a time rendered the commander very unpopular among them. The admiral at that time wore a grogram coat, for which reason they nicknamed him "Old Grog," &c. Hence, by degrees, the mixed liquor he constrained them to drink universally obtained among them the name of _grog_. MCCXXXIV.--WELL SAID. A GENTLEMAN, speaking of the happiness of the married state before his daughter, disparagingly said, "She who marries, does well; but she who does not marry, does better."--"Well then," said the young lady, "I will _do well_; let those who choose _do better_." MCCXXXV.--SLEEPING AT CHURCH. DR. SOUTH, when once preaching before Charles II., observed that the monarch and his attendants began to nod, and some of them soon after snored, on which he broke off in his sermon, and said: "Lord Lauderdale, let me entreat you to rouse yourself; you snore so loud that you will _awake the king_!" MCCXXXVI.--SHERIDAN CONVIVIAL.