SOME unlucky lads in the University bearing a spite to the dean for his severity towards them, went secretly one night and daubed the rails of his staircase with tar. The dean coming down in the dark, dirtied his hands and coat very much with the tar; and, being greatly enraged, he sent for one most suspected to be the author. This the lad utterly denied; but said, "Truly, I did it not; but if you please, I can tell you who had _a hand in it_." Here they thought to have found out the truth, and asked him who. The lad answered, "_Your worship, sir_"; which caused him to be dismissed with great applause for his ingenuity. MCCXCV.--INGRATITUDE. WHEN Lord B---- died, a person met an old man who was one of his most intimate friends. He was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one was trying to console him, but in vain. "His loss," he exclaimed, "does not affect me so much as his horrible ingratitude. Would you believe it? he died without leaving me anything in his will,--I, who have _dined with him, at his own house, three times a week for thirty years_!" MCCXCVI.--A PREFIX. WHEN Lord Melcombe's name was plain Bubb, he was intended by the administration to be sent ambassador to Spain. Lord Chesterfield met him, and told him he was not a fit person to be representative of the crown of England at the Spanish court, on account of the shortness of his name, as the Spaniards pride themselves on the length of their titles, "unless," added his lordship, "you don't mind calling yourself _Silly-Bubb_!" MCCXCVII.--A GOOD MIXTURE. AN eminent painter was once asked what he mixed his colors with in order to produce so extraordinary an effect. "I mix them with _brains_, sir!" was his answer. MCCXCVIII.--SIR WALTER SCOTT'S PARRITCH-PAN. IN the museum at Abbotsford there is a small Roman _patera_, or goblet, in showing which Sir Walter Scott tells the following story: "I purchased this" (says he) "at a nobleman's roup near by, at the enormous sum of twenty-five guineas. I would have got it for twenty-pence if an antiquary who knew its value had not been there and opposed me. However, I was almost consoled for the bitter price it cost by the amusement I derived from an old woman, who had evidently come from a distance to purchase some trifling culinary articles, and who had no taste for the antique. At every successive guinea which we bade for the _patera_ this good old lady's mouth grew wider and wider with unsophisticated astonishment, until at last I heard her mutter to herself, in a tone which I shall never forget,--'Five-an-twenty guineas! _If the parritch-pan gangs at that, what will the kail-pan gang for_!'" MCCXCIX.--HORNE TOOKE AND WILKES.