A CITY policeman before Judge Maule said he was in the _hens_ (_N_) division. "Do you mean in the _Poultry_?" asked the Judge. MCDXIX.--AN EXPENSIVE TRIP. IRISH Johnstone, the comedian, was known to be rather parsimonious. On one of his professional visits to Dublin, he billeted himself (as was his wont) upon all his acquaintances in town. Meeting Curran afterwards in London, and talking of his _great expenses_, he asked the ex-Master of the Rolls what he supposed he spent in the Irish capital during his last trip. "I don't know," replied Curran; "but probably a _fortnight_." MCDXX.--OLD FRIENDS. COLEMAN, the dramatist, was asked if he knew Theodore Hook. "Yes," replied the wit; "_Hook_ and _eye_ are old associates." MCDXXI.--A REASON. "I WISH you at the devil!" said somebody to Wilkes. "I don't wish you there," was the answer. "Why?"--"Because I never wish _to see you again_!" MCDXXII.--HONOR. DURING a siege the officer in command proposed to the grenadiers a large sum of money as a reward to him who should first drive a fascine into a ditch which was exposed to the enemy's fire. None of the grenadiers offered. The general, astonished, began to reproach them for it. "_We should have all offered_," said one of these brave soldiers, "if money _had not been set as the price of this action_." MCDXXIII.--JUST AS WONDERFUL. A GENTLEMAN asked a friend, in a very knowing manner, "Pray, did you ever see a _cat-fish_?"--"No," was the response, "but I've seen a _rope-walk_." MCDXXIV.--CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME. "WELL, neighbor, what's the news this morning?" said a gentleman to a friend. "I have just bought a sack of flour for a poor woman."--"Just like you! Whom have you made so happy by your charity this time?"--"_My wife_." MCDXXV.--QUESTION ANSWERED. THAT idiot W---- coming out of the Opera one night, called out, "Where is my fellow?"--"_Not in England_, I'll swear," said a bystander. MCDXXVI.--VERY LIKELY. AN officer of the navy being asked what Burke meant by the "_Cheap_ defence of nations," replied, "A midshipman's _half-pay_,--nothing a-day and find yourself." MCDXXVII.--INQUEST EXTRAORDINARY. DIED suddenly,--surprised at such a rarity! Verdict,--Saw Eldon do a little bit of charity. MCDXXVIII.--A GRUNT. "DOCTOR, when we have sat together some time, you'll find my brother very entertaining."--"Sir," said Johnson, "_I can wait_." MCDXXIX.--ONE FAULT. "SHE is insupportable," said a wit with marked emphasis, of one well known; but, as if he had gone too far, he added, "It is her _only_ defect." MCDXXX.--TO THE "COMING" MAN. SMART waiter, be contented with thy state, The world is his who best knows how to wait. MCDXXXI.--NOTHING TO BOAST OF.